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Would You Pay-Off Your Child’s Partner ?

by Antonia

Many of us would impulsively say no, but what would we actually do?

The thought of me going through hours of labour, then raising the child is a lot of work, time, energy. But at the end of it all, I wouldn’t want someone swooping in to ‘sweep them off their feet’ if they’re not suitable. I’d want to raise my child to be independent and have their own thing(s) going on, so I’d expect their partner to have their own thing(s) going on and more. I’d be very judgmental about someone coming into my child’s life, but I think I’d be more protective over my daughter. It’s just maternal instincts and usually women get hurt more than men.

Let’s say if she brought home a bin-man. I don’t have anything against bin-men, if they have ambition and have other moves in motion to get them to where they want to be in life. The difference is, having a partner who is stagnant, and has no desire to fulfil their potential, will just hold back my offspring. If he’s happy working in that field for the rest of his life that’s fine, but I wouldn’t want that for my daughter. I don’t think many parents would be the most impressed. It raises issues in the future if it hasn’t already. Firstly, it means the financial pressure is mainly on my daughter. Let’s say they have children, their father will have a menial job, which will hardly create the most influential atmosphere for them to push for what their heart desires as a career. If my daughter isn’t working and on maternity leave, or wishes to have a longer leave, or even wants to be a stay at home mother, where would finances come from? The sky?

Hypothetically if I did pay him, I imagine it’d create plenty of issues especially if she has feelings for him and worst case scenario, if she ever found out I paid him, it’d be awful. So I think if I didn’t agree with a partner I would tell her and instead of paying their partner, I’d pay my child directly. I know, I know, it sounds very deranged, but isn’t it better than paying a random person who might just take the money and keep seeing them? They might even blackmail me into giving them more money in the future! It’s just too many ‘what if’s’. I know my child might take the money and keep seeing their partner but I think it less likely.

I believe, many of us just want to see our children have the best, or even a decent person. So when we do leave this earth, we feel contempt knowing our offspring has someone to be there for them and a support system. What you do doesn’t define you, but usually parent(s) want what’s best for their child.

What do you think? Would you pay-off your child’s partner? Have you ever done it? Or even contemplated it? Do you know someone who has? Comment below!

41 thoughts on “Would You Pay-Off Your Child’s Partner ?”

  2. No, this would never work, and we would never do it. Even awful mistake have to be made by people, and if you raised your children right – eventually they will see whats up, or you will find out they are worth your child. We would just speak our mind and let the chips fall where they may.

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. I completely get what you’re saying, and you’re right, people have to make their own mistakes to learn from them. You can’t always break them out of jail. Hope that makes sense?
      Thankyouu for such a wise insight! Have a lovely day😊

      Liked by 1 person

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  3. Hi Antonia :
    A very interesting, thought-provoking post !
    Speaking as a mom and a grandmother, I think that most often we raise our children to have the same values that we do. And hopefully our children will make wise decisions concerning their partners.
    When I was single, I had a list, yes an actual list, of qualities that I expected from a future husband. And when I met my husband, he met all the requirements on my list. Luckily it was also love and first sight ! Reason, and “chemistry” are sometimes two different things. 🤗

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    1. Thankyouu! Yes I agree hopefully our values rub off on our children. Aw that’s wonderful, he met all your requirements. Wow that must be spectacular, my list would go on for days😂😂. You’ve found your perfect match which is extraordinary.
      Thankyouu for such a lovely insight.
      Have a great day!😊

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    1. Of course! I hope in the future mine will do the same😂
      Thankyouu for reading and commenting!
      Have a lovely day😊

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  5. I get what you’re saying and why here but the simple fact of the matter is you cannot control your children or anyone for that matter. It doesn’t work, the only thing you can do is watch and where necessary and wanted help out.

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. You’re right, you can’t control anyone. I guess I was thinking hypothetically. I think if the time comes, I’m not 100% sure what I’d do. ‘It’s easier said than done’ as they say!
      Have a lovely day!😊

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    1. I always think of random hypothetical questions. Very unorthodox I know😂. That’s great at least yourself and your mum wouldn’t do that! I wonder what the statistics are for the people that would. I think it’s small but more than we’d like to think.
      Thankyouu so much for reading and commenting!
      Have a lovely day Tilly!😊

      Liked by 1 person

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  8. Hi Antonia – thank you for your post. I just discovered you so have some catching up to do. Regarding this post, just so I am clear, are you talking about paying off a partner NOT to see your daughter? Or are you talking about paying off a partner to supplement your daughter’s lifestyle?Forgive me, I can be quite simple sometimes. Ha ha Ha
    Again, thank you for your insightful post.

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. Hi! Hypothetically paying your daughters partner not to see them. So you’ve basically driven the partner away😂😂
      Thankyouu for reading and commenting, and hope it makes sense😃😊

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  9. Laudable instincts, Antonia, which only will intensify if/when you experience the situation you describe. Little in the world is more powerful than is a mother’s love.

    However, it might obscure the problems a payoff would cause. There are the risks you’ve outlined, including the guy taking the money and doing nothing, or your daughter discovering the bribe. There also is the very real possibility it could have an effect exactly opposite what was intended – defiance. “So she thinks she can keep us apart? We’ll show her!”

    My advice? (Based on all the experience gained with precisely zero (0) children.) Encourage and build your daughter’s confidence throughout her life, so that she’ll conclude, on her own, that this guy is unworthy.

    As a parent, that’s the best gift you can give her. Else, you’ll join the litany of parents who tried to break up their children’s romances. It never has worked, not 2,000 years ago, and not now.

    Liked by 2 people

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    1. You’re right! You hope to raise your child to have great instincts and judgement, so you don’t even need to have any involvement.
      Thankyouu so much for reading and commenting.
      Have a lovely day!😊

      Liked by 1 person

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  10. You can share your thoughts with them but in the end it is their choice. It’s not easy watching a child make a mistake. Sure it wasn’t easy for my parents 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. I completely hear you. I guess sometimes you have to make your own mistakes to learn. That lesson is invaluable.💪
      Thankyouu so much for reading and commenting,
      Have a lovely day😊

      Liked by 1 person

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  12. There’s too many grey areas with this for me to go through with this. And even then my child is their own individual and should be treated as such. Yes I can guide them and such, but ultimately they decide what’s best for them as their own person

    Liked by 3 people

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    1. You’re right, it’s like the saying ‘you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink’.
      Thankyouu so much for reading and commenting!
      Have a great day!😊

      Liked by 1 person

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    1. I’m so happy they have loving fulfilling marriages! That’s invaluable!
      Thankyouu so much for reading and commenting!
      Have a lovely day😊

      Liked by 1 person

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  15. All will work out if we train our children in the way they should go. My in-laws initially gave me a hard time due to my job and family. However, they realize my hardships have made me resourceful. But every situation is different. Boy did it hurt going through it though. All is well now. I’ve learned to not compare my family to my wife’s family. There is strength to be found in all of us, if we don’t give up. Great post!

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. You’re so right! And Thankyouu for giving me such an informative insight into your life. I imagine it was really tough going through it like you said but at least now you’ve come out on the other side of it and probably stronger for it.
      Thankyouu for this once again!
      Have a lovely day😊

      Liked by 1 person

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  18. My father in law is a bin-man and he is the BEST dad and husband every, so, that example is lousy. You can just as easily have a pathetic executive. Paying off someone in this way is tantamount to conspiracy as well as being very controlling and will ALWAYS come back to haunt you. That said, I have a 15 year old who is now attracting a lot of attention from girls. I am ready to start carrying some $100 bills… Just saying.

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  19. I’ve been a firm believer in letting my children live their life the way that they want and being a support to them. I’d never interfere in their life like that. I would talk to them if there were concerns about how they were living but that’s as far as it goes. What seems a good life to me may not be a good life to them. There’s many ways to live a good life. There’s many lessons to be learned and they’re usually learned best through experience. Something I remember about my own childhood – when my parents were controlling, I’d rebel. It harmed the relationship and I think I made a lot of bad decisions because of their control. I would like to keep a loving, honest and communicative relationship with my children.

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. I completely get what you’re saying. You definitely shouldn’t push your children away and sometimes when you’re quite strict and say ‘you can’t do this, you can’t do that’ it just makes them wanna do it even more! I agree on many of the points you raised!
      Thankyouu so much for reading and such an interesting insight!
      Have a lovely day😊

      Like

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