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Housewife or Househusband? Which is for you?

by Antonia

Gender roles, what are you for and against? Let’s talk!

So, I recently had a lightbulb moment, a hypothetical question moment (as I usually do). About housewives or househusbands, and would you be okay let’s say from a woman’s point of view, if your husband was a househusband? And since my mother was sitting across from me in this moment, I thought who better to ask! So I asked her ‘Hypothetically, if you found the perfect guy, and he was the one for you, but he envisions himself being a househusband in the future, what would you do?’. And she replies, ‘What, the perfect guy? Oh no, it would be a no for me if he said that’. So I continue with, ‘How come?’, and she follows with ‘that just wouldn’t be for me.’ And I thought hmm, it’s funny how people say equality is becoming more apparent and there aren’t reserved gender roles in the household anymore, but that leaves me thinking, have times changes too much?

I’m quite old fashioned – if you can’t tell from my blog already… And I just would not be okay at all if someone I was going out with, wants to claim that role in the household for himself. I think the bond mother and child have is unmatched and incomparable, and I can’t get my head around if my partner wanted or expected me to go back out to work very soon after having the baby. A baby grows in a female for 9 months. It internally bonds with you like no other as that’s the only thing it knows even before he/she sees your face. This is usually the reason why whenever the baby is in your arms, it’s more at peace than anywhere else, because it already has a connection with you, knows you and even knows the scent of you.

I do think the father holds an important/crucial role in the child’s life and in the household, as the baby will usually have a bond with him also, but the motherly role cannot be replaced and shouldn’t be. The father doesn’t have all the highs and lows, mood swings, side effects, nausea, hormonal changes and many more like the feeling of the baby kicking and moving, the father doesn’t really have first-hand experience of any of that. The most he can do is imagine being in your shoes and feel the baby kicking. I think it’s quite unnatural for the father to take the motherly role, as there are certain things he literally cannot do. Can he breast feed? No. I’m definitely not saying everyone should breastfeed, of course not as some people cannot due to medical reasons and so on. But I think mentally a lot goes into having and raising a child, and the more you try and put it towards the back of your mind, the more you’ll regret in the future all the times you missed out on.

And that’s an issue for both the mother and father but especially the mother, as the baby was inside of her for so long. Babies even feed off of everything the mother eats as it gets broken down into tiny elements and passes across the placenta to your baby. Also, a mother has an intuition like no other, there’s no such thing really as a father’s intuition. A study was recently done to look at the science behind a mother’s intuition…

A recent study published in the medical journal, PLOS One1 , examined the brains of 59 women who had died between the ages of 32 and 101. Nearly two thirds or 37 women in the sample were found to have traces of male DNA with the Y chromosome in various regions of their brains. The Y chromosome could not have come from the women’s fathers because if it had, they would have been born male. The only logical explanation was that the male DNA had come from their sons.

During pregnancy, more than nutrients pass through the placenta between mother and child. Tissue cells and genetic material also seem to make the transfer. Science has known for some time that DNA passed through the placenta between the fetus and mother in mice, but now it seems the same phenomenon, called microchimerism, also happens in humans. Fetal DNA crossing the placenta can find a home in any of the mother’s organs including the skin, liver and spleen. The membrane protecting the brain known as the blood-brain barrier becomes less resistant to cells from the outside because a woman’s immune system is partially suppressed during pregnancy. This happens so that her body does not reject the fetus as a foreign invader. It was also estimated that fetal DNA entering the brain was yet another way for the mother’s body to be able to identify the fetus as friend, not foe. It should be noted that the same effect most likely happens for daughters, as well. The researchers chose to focus on sons because it would have been much too difficult to distinguish a mother’s DNA from her daughter’s because they are both female. In either case, it appears that fetal DNA in the brains of mothers is there for life because the oldest woman in which the male DNA was found was 94.

Because women carry the DNA of their children inside their own bodies, specifically the brain, perhaps this explains a mother’s intuition. Many women can sense when their child is in danger or pick out their child’s cry from within a group of other children. Women have felt the reality of this profound connection since the beginning of humanity, but now it seems we have scientific proof of it.

I know how there are some women out there who don’t naturally have that maternal calling towards their kids, and if they’re content with their husbands taking on more the motherly role that’s perfectly fine. Same goes for women who are extremely career driven and thrive more in the workplace than at home, and that’s entirely fine too! But I do think it’s undoubtably important to speak about these scenarios and topics early on when you’re getting to know someone to save all the pressure and expectations later on in life, if you do have children. And I personally don’t think it’s biologically right for the male to attempt to claim the ‘househusband’ or ‘motherly role’ unless, the female doesn’t want that for herself. And sometimes when women have children, their feelings towards this whole subject can change.

The world we live in now, is all about disconnecting humanity with it’s natural callings or how people actually feel. And instead society pushes us to feel a certain way, bad even about wanting to stay home and taking care of children. We even may feel scared or judged about what we actually want for ourselves. But who does that fulfil and benefit? Us or society?

There’s a crisis in mental health services as so many are in dire need for them, so try and make yourself happy and fulfilled so you may not feel empty and unstable in the future. As happiness is in no one else’s hands but yours.

What do you think? Would you date someone who wants to be a househusband? Or vice versa? Do you have any experience regarding this? Comment below! I want to hear all your thoughts!

39 thoughts on “Housewife or Househusband? Which is for you?”

  1. Antonia, this is a very wise and thoughtful post. Your description of the bond between mother and child is beautiful. Interesting that I read this post this morning when I was remembering being pregnant. It was a time when I felt exceptionally well, and had lots of energy. I loved this stage of life.
    I’ve spent a career working towards pay equality, but, like you, I would never have married a man with the ‘ambition’ of being a househusband. 🤗

    Liked by 2 people

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    1. Thankyouu! I’m so glad you enjoyed this post! Aww I imagine being pregnant can make you feel more womanly than ever! I hope I feel how you felt through that stage in the future. 😃 I entirely agree on the househusband scenario.
      Thankyouu so much for reading and commenting!
      Have a lovely day Sally! 😊

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  3. I believe. The person, female or male, who can support the family should work. I would stay home and take care of kids. If wife was a professional. Our world, both folks must work to keep up.

    Liked by 3 people

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    1. You’re right! Nowadays, mortgages and life as a whole is a lot more expensive than what it was. So it’s definitely more expected for both partied to go out and work as it’s very difficult to live a comfortable life on one income.
      Thankyouu so much for reading and commenting!
      Have a lovely day 😃

      Liked by 2 people

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  4. In answer to your question, no I definitely wouldn’t date someone who’d want to be a househusband.

    Now that we’ve got that out of the way, 😂, I find that scientific study about exchange of DNA between mother and child and being a possible explanation for mother’s intuition absolutely fascinating.

    It also adds a whole new dimension to the relationship between Mary and Jesus as well that I as an amateur theologian will probably take time to think about in the future.

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    1. Haha agreed. It is very interesting! We always knew somehow that there’s a ‘mother’s intuition’, but now scientific evidence actually backs that up.
      Completely, it adds a new dimension to many things!
      Thankyouu so much for reading and commenting!
      Have a lovely day 😃

      Liked by 1 person

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  5. Hmmmmm…… so many things so little time and space🤔😉 My feeling is… hold on now.. here it comes! The woman is better equipped and mentally suited to rearing children more than men are. Think about it for just a second and realize who it is that carries the child! If it were a substitutable role men would also be able to carry and bear children! I know it’s not scientific and even maybe politically incorrect to say that these days. But I’ve always believed we were asdigned genders in nature for a specific reason! That is our roll to live! If we can do more and want or need to do more then fine go for it!

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    1. I completely agree with you and couldn’t put it better myself! Today we live in a society where we’re almost frightened to say how we feel, incase we get looked down upon or we’re told to ‘get with the times’, but there isn’t anything like a mother’s love. We carry the child and the bond is like no other. Nothing can replace that and I don’t think that anyone should try to (unless the mother isn’t around anymore), and even still it cannot be fully replaced.
      Thankyouu so much for reading and commenting!
      Have a lovely day 😃

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  6. I dont have children but if I did but again I’m speaking as someone without children. I dont want to be a stay at home Mom. If I had an amazing paying job that I loved and my husband didn’t have a job on the same level I would be okay with him staying home with our child and me working. I feel like being a stay at home Mom isn’t something I would ever want to do. Bonding the first months or even a year is okay but not longer than that. I think I would go crazy. But everyone is different. All this said when I get married I’m sure my husband will be loaded lol. So, this will never happen. I’ll have a nanny 🤣🤣

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    1. Haha! I see what you mean, some do get a bit tired of the same old staying at home, and I can imagine it must be very easy to lose yourself. Looking at the same 4 walls time after time. You can feel like you’ve lost yourself and just live through your child, and sometimes people internalise that feeling when they’re in that situation. I don’t have children either and maybe when I do, my feelings regarding the whole set-up may change!
      Thankyouu so much for reading and commenting!
      Have a lovely day 😃

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      1. So when a man cooks, people scold because the cooks don’t
          is so nice enough, and if he can do very well in the kitchen he shouldn’t be in the kitchen because you can see that he is better, so, or his family doesn’t like the food, so distribute protection for everyone. everyone helps who he can !!!! healthy new year wish you and your family.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I completely hear what you’re saying!
        Healthy happy new year to you and your family too!
        Have a lovely day!🤗

        Like

  7. Wow, Antonia! Exhaustively researched and beautifully written! How long did it take you to produce this? That such effort is made on our behalf is utterly flattering.

    To a large degree, our biological mandates govern our lives. It’s true not just of us, but of males and females of every species.

    That’s not to say men can’t nurture or women can’t provide. Nonsense! Both sexes fulfil the “other” role at times, and hundreds of millions make the switch permanently. Still, it’s hard to overcome what’s hotwired into us.

    Regardless of whether it’s desirable, if a man stays at home while his wife earns, it’s bound to grate on him after a while, no matter how deeply he loves the children. Part of him fears it makes him a failure and that he isn’t “doing his part” to help the family.

    Truth is, we’re complex creatures, and both sexes have nurturing and providing impulses. It’s not a 50/50 split for either sex, though, and each puts a thumb on his/her side of the scale.

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    1. Aww thankyouu! A decent amount of time haha! I wanted to make it as great as possible so many would enjoy reading it!
      I agree, I think I read somewhere that a lot of the time, let’s say if the female is more famous/wealthy than the male, they feel intimidated and sometimes try and put you down to make themselves feel better. Not all the time obviously but more often than not.
      Your comment was so knowledgable and enlightening!
      Thankyouu so much for reading and commenting!
      Have a lovely day 😃

      Liked by 2 people

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    1. Aww thankyouu! Hahaha same I completely get what you’re saying 😂!
      Thankyouu so much for reading and commenting!
      Have a lovely day 😃

      Liked by 2 people

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  10. Yes, I would. It’s a matter of choice and as you point out expectations. I’d rather share than give. When you share, you still have some, when you give, you have nothing left. Sharing your children’s care from the beginning helps later with the empty nest syndrome. I truthfully believe the rearing of children ought to be a team effort. However, it’s a matter of your expectations, and yours to fulfill. Cheers!

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    1. It definitely should be a team effort as both of you hold a crucial role in your child’s life. I guess I just meant one parent kind of does have to play the house role more, unless you have a nanny, well then you could definitely share the roles with each other perfectly!
      Thankyouu so much for reading and commenting!
      Have a lovely day 😃

      Liked by 1 person

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  11. I agree with your mom on this. I would immediately suspect a man who wants to be a househusband. God said that by the sweat of his brow the man will eat bread. Then God told the woman that in sorrow she will labor to have children. Therefore, the man should labor to bring food on the table while the woman’s labor is in childbirth. That seems fair to me.🙂

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    1. Same, I’d be very suspicious if a guy were to try and claim that role, or sort of drop it in conversation by saying “I’ve always thought about being a househusband”, my response internally would be “eh?”.
      Unless both parties agree to that, of course but the woman gives birth to the child so fundamentally it should be her call what role she’d like to play. I do all the hard work for 9 months so the least you can do is not claim roles just yet😂😂😂.
      Thankyouu so much for reading and commenting!
      Have a lovely day 😃

      Liked by 1 person

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    1. Aww thankyouu! I couldn’t agree more haha!😃
      Thankyouu so much for reading and commenting!
      Have a lovely day😊

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  15. I wouldn’t have wanted my role usurped; it’s good to have two things we can do better than men – have babies and feed them! But apart from that close mother/ baby bond men are very good at caring for children if given the chance, probably more relaxed, not trying to get the housework done as well! My friend’s husband felt he was missing out not being able to breastfeed.

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    1. I agree! I also completely understand what you mean, as the male does have a vital role in the child’s life also, and memories last forever, so both parents should do their bit, but the mother does have the maternal instincts and can do certain things which a man biological can’t do, I whole-heartedly agree with you!
      Thankyouu so much for reading and commenting!
      Have a lovely Christmas 😊

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

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