Being religious and finding love are two common factors of life. But can one, cancel out the other?
Recently I’ve been thinking. And you know how I get when I think. Hypothetically, but very realistic, and maybe even close to home. I thought, do religion and love go hand in hand? Is it an easy equation? After much consideration, I came to the decision. No.
Just imagine, you’ve had a religious upbringing, doesn’t matter if you’re a firm believer or not. Even a nonchalant one in fact. The quest for love is usually a difficult one, unless you’re apart of the 0.001% that meets their true love at school and you ride off into the sunset happily ever after – no problems. Everyone else now are like ants in a nest, all sprawling around to find their ‘person’. But when religion comes into the mix, that can divide even the most open-minded individual.
Religion is supposedly quite a warm embracing subject, and to be religious, you’re not really meant to be judgemental of someone. Especially, if they believe in a different god to you. But is that a turn off? I imagine for many it would be, even my own personal experience, I know how that can be a difficult hurdle to overcome. But should it be such a deal breaker?
I suppose if you don’t believe in the same god, but maybe you share similar fundamentals about religion, it can be quite tough to see how that would work. You’d have to think practically, “If we have children, what faith would they have? What place of worship would me or they go to? Who would they pray to? Which religious days would we celebrate? What type of school would our future children go to?”. Example: they can’t go to a Christian school for infancy then a Hindu school for secondary. Nine times out of ten you can’t really have the best of both world’s, one religion typically get’s the edge as to which you should follow from here on out. Let’s think hypothetically or maybe you’ve experienced this, as it isn’t as uncommon as it may seem…
What happens if you’re true love, the one your heart skips a beat for; the one who know’s you like no-other; the one who you could say tick’s all the boxes, apart from the religion box. Would you throw away a connection, a bond you’ve never and possibly could never find again away for that?
It’s a well known rule that it’s not ‘courteous’ to go dive into the politics and religion debacle right away, and some people don’t think it’s appropriate to even talk a lot about these subjects to their friends; never mind when you’re initially getting to know someone, as it can open a can of worms. But if you don’t go into that topic then, when do you?
Religion is a huge aspect of many people’s lives, and it makes you wonder, is it even larger than the most intense emotion a human experiences? Should we switch off our natural intuition when finding love, so we think practically and not with our feelings? The say love conquers all, but does it?
Comment below! I’ll be fascinated to hear your outlook.
Beauty File 
I just want my other half to believe in God. If they don’t, that’s a deal breaker. It’s one thing to practice a different type of religion but to not believe in God at all is a no for me. There’s no compromising with that. We can work out all the other stuff but not that. I don’t have children so that wouldn’t be an issue about where to send them. If he already has them, that would be his choice where to send them. I prefer just for the school to be good and safe.
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I hear that 100%.
If your partner wasn’t a believer as such, but wasn’t against the thought of there being a god, would you still be open to that? Or would you expect him to be religious of some sort? I just like knowing more about perspectives🤗
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I’m not sure. That’s a good question. I’ll have to think about that 😀😀
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Antonia, this is a very profound post.
While it is absolutely possible to love someone of a different faith, if we chose to marry and spend our lives with someone, then religion takes on a larger meaning. Through marriage, a couple’s extended families become somewhat linked .
It is really important for any couple, I believe, to participate in marriage counselling before they get married. My husband and I did. Things like views on money management, religion, contact with in-laws, views concerning children, etc. need to be discussed candidly by any couple contemplating marriage. 🤗
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Thankyouu so much!
I definitely get that when you marry, or you intend to marry, everything does get more intense and you must be sure of what you’re marrying into – making sure everyone’s in the same page.
I’ve never heard of marriage counselling before marriage, I didn’t even know there was such thing! I thought that happened when you’re having issues in your marriage, but that’s definitely interesting, and maybe even a great idea for a long and fulfilling marriage. It must make all the awkward questions so much easier when it’s out in the open in that kind of environment!
You learn something knew everyday.😃
Thankyouu, Sally🤗
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Hi Antonia !
In the Catholic Church, 6 months of marriage counselling classes are usually required before couples can get married in the church. This is also a time when couples can discuss lots of topics, that may reduce some conflicts down the road.
My husband and I just celebrated 45 years of marriage. 🤗
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Oh wow that sounds amazing! 45 years, so very wonderful! I hope to have a long fulfilling marriage like yours 🤗One can dream right?😂😃
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I married someone who had the same faith as me and was a very committed believer. However, he gave up his faith later on in our marriage and doesn’t believe in a God at all … so that can happen too. However, we both love each other deeply and allow each other the right to think and believe (or not) what each of is convinced of. Saying that, it is a source of grief that my husband no longer shares my faith ….
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That’s incredibly interesting. In matters like these it must feel like you’re at a crossroad and must figure out which path you want to choose. Even though religion is probably one of the main aspects that I imagine bonded you together, love has evolved meaning when he began taking a step back from sharing the same faith that brought you close, your love kept you together. So in a way love has conquered your difficulties that I picture, have been undoubtedly mystifying.
Thankyouu so much for sharing, your insight has been extraordinary😃😊
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I can identify with what you’re sharing. A close family member decided to follow another religious faith. And, as you say, the person and I also allow each other to believe what we are convinced of. And I agree too, that it is a source of grief for me that the person no longer shares my faith, but I leave it in God’s hands.
Thanks for your insightful comment. 🤗
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Thanks for the encouragement sally 😊 Yes, the best thing we can do. It keeps the relationship uncontaminated as the person is loved for themselves- no strings attached
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#exactly!
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Very interesting post!
I myself have been in a relationship with my Muslim boyfriend for 3 years now, and these thoughts have definitely passed both our minds. He is not practicing his religion, and I am an atheist. Religion do have a big say in a relationship, but so far we have made it work, personally I don’t think I would date him if he was practicing his religion as I am an atheist.
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Thankyouu! I’m so glad you enjoyed this post!
What you’re saying I can kind of resonate with, with a partner being muslim and you not so much having a religion. I am more on the Christian side but I can’t say I’m a devote Christian. I totally hear what you’re saying that he doesn’t practice his religion, as I’m aware of people like that around me. It is a tough one as I know that sometimes your partner says or acts like he’s not practicing, but sometimes later on in life, or if you’re into the thought of marriage, that’s when views and beliefs can appear much stronger. My experience is that he didn’t act and appear like a firm, strict believer even though I knew he was muslim, and his words himself initially were, I’m not strict etc, but sometimes as the relationship goes on, you see certain tendencies or maybe hear them say things which are like hold on, that’s different from what you originally insinuated/said. You know what I mean?
I guess I’m quite passionate about this specific topic as I’ve had first hand experience like yourself! And if you want to get into any deeper conversations and feel like the comment section is a bit too public, you can definitely contact me directly in the section ‘contact’ on my blog.
It’s rare to see quite similar experiences/ways of life, so hearing this has in a way made me feel at ease!
Thankyouu for sharing, Alexandra!🤗
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I appreciate your sentiments but I also realize in the bible Christians are admonished to not be unequally yoked. Entering into a marriage with someone of a religious belief that does not embrace Jesus as Savior is risky in that it will weaken the person who is a Christian.
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You stated my exact sentiments perfectly! For someone that isn’t a believer, this type of thinking may seem very close-minded but entering a relationship with an unbeliever, or worse, someone that believes in an entirely different god, is dangerous territory.
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I entirely get what you mean and where you’re coming from. It’s like a way of life, and it’d be very hard to deter a believer of another god. And even if they do convert to your faith or vice-versa, it may lead to many clashes along the way. For some people it works out, but understandably it’s few and far between.
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One of my sister’s is a devote Christian so your words are exactly what she’d say! I completely understand that, as if you are a firm believer, having someone who isn’t will in someway, dilute the depth you have in your faith.
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I enjoyed this post and I can see how it would be incredibly difficult to walk away from someone that you just seem to “click” with but as jesusluvsall said, it’s risky. If I found myself in that situation and the other individual was at least open to learning about my faith then we may be able to have a conversation. If they aren’t then there’s no use in wasting one another’s time. I’d rather not raise children that are confused and don’t know what to believe, that wouldn’t be fair to them.
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Yes totally, the other individual would have to be open to that way of life and faith, as if they’re certain that they wouldn’t budge, it’ll just lead to much uncertainty and never ending questioning.
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Married with non follwer of Jesus is not recommended in the Bible. I believe this a person call ! If you really match with your soul, then go ahead and choose the person for the Love of your life. The level of your relationship mesure this not the level of your religion. 🙂 this a nice and deep topic. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Peace be with you. Keep shining 😀❤
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You have such a great outlook on this topic and I couldn’t have put it better myself! Clearly, it isn’t recommended in the bible but if you match with your soul as you said, you have to put all those factors into the equation and make a decision. It may not be so cut-throat.
Aww thankyouu so much!😃😊😊
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I believe that deep inside we will all accept love, because there is nothing to take its place. Religion, on the other hand, is a specific method of communication. It is more of a choice.
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100%, I couldn’t have put it better myself. Without ‘love’ people the human race would somewhat come to an end, but without religion would that happen? Not biologically anyway.
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You ask a profound question, Antonia. Try as I might, though, I can’t provide you a definitive answer.
How unsatisfying is “it depends?” Yet, anything clearer raises objections I can’t resolve.
Relationships between those adhering to different brands of Christianity aren’t nearly as untenable as they were in our grandparents’ day. Indeed, here the initial distinctions are easiest to bridge.
What of more distant starting-points? Lutheran and Buddhist? Catholic and atheist? Jewish and Muslim? Much more of a challenge, no doubt (as it were).
As vital as Faith is in these matters, values are equally important. A shared set of ideals makes it far easier to overcome differences in the place half of the couple does (or doesn’t) worship on the weekend. After all, relationships are all about enhancing the common ground where two lives intersect.
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You’re very right. And some religions are a lot harder to ‘bridge the gap’ if you want to put it that way.
Values are indeed important and sometimes when you find that common ground, it can make meeting in the middle and deciding which road to go down religiously, that little bit easier.
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It all depends on what extremes one takes religion. 🙂
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Definitely. I think an opposing party would have to be slightly less religious than the other to even think about coming together in the grand scheme of things.
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I think for me, it’s a matter of loving God more; I want to ultimately be with someone who will share that love for God, and not with someone who may make me feel like I need to choose between him and God. Your religious beliefs really do affect every aspect of your life, and while it is absolutely possible to be in love with someone who has different beliefs, I know for me having friends with the same love for God adds an extra depth to our relationships because that is something important in our lives that we share.
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It takes three to get married. There is God, and then you and your spouse. Is an attraction of someone else worth giving up God himself for? No. I don’t think so. Love is not possible if we don’t love God first for He is the source of all Love.
I often hear people say, “But I can change him, if he truly loves me he will accept my religion”. Ha…good luck with that.
Thanks for the post, I enjoyed reading your thoughts.
Stephen
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Haha! Funnily enough I agree with your last statement, it’s virtually impossible to sway someone towards a religion, and for them not to resent you in time. Thankyouu for sharing your thoughts too Stephen!😃
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Another VERY thoughtful post. I take it you read my last post on “Aging for the over sixty-five.” You will note at the end the title of my next post.
So often religion and Christianity are not understood and are considered the same. They are not.
Your assumption that religion and love don’t go hand and hand is definitely correct.
I was married to my late wife for forty-seven years and am now approaching the sixth anniversary with my present wife. What I write about are the things I have experienced. Check out my post on Love.
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Thankyouu again and so glad you’ve enjoyed reading this post!😃
Oh wow 47 years that’s incredible, I will definitely check out your post on ‘Love’. Thankyouu for the recommendation!😃😊
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Firstly, I never saw Christianity as a religion. Or the thought of believing that the Universe is Created never made me feel like I was being religious. It just made practical sense to me as I studied the Earth and how everything works seamlessly together, it’s clearly Designed. But as I got older, I understood that most everyone else doesn’t feel this way. 😦 And I was shoved into a religious box, unfortunately.
Anyway, in terms of relationships, I’ve never been married or even had a girlfriend. Over the years, I’ve grown close to some women, but it never moved beyond friendship. Either she would drift away from me or I would drift away from her. Mainly because ..well, all of them did not believe in God, or at least the Christian God. Each time the friendship would be on the edge of becoming serious, we would start to clash. Or worse, try to change ourselves so the other person would stay.
But I’ve decided to let her be who she is and not have to walk on eggshells to accommodate me. It makes us both uncomfortable and it’s unfair to have to live that way …for how long? Of course, most of the women have moved on to other relationships, gotten married, have children. They check on me every no and then and I wish them the best.
As for me, yes, it hurts. I have yet to really fall for someone with the same Beliefs as I have. For some reason, it just doesn’t work as easily as I thought it would. But I’m passed the stage of pouting about it. Ultimately, I’ve learned that if you really love someone, you’ll love them enough to let them go. Otherwise, you’re only a shadow of yourself in a relationship. Sooner or later you’ll grow to despise the other person. I’d rather let her go now and still be friends opposed to being together and having everything fall apart later.
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I completely hear you. I guess sometimes maybe it is best as you say to lay your cards on the table then early on so the other party doesn’t completely fall head over heels for you, then cater towards your beliefs and needs, then later down the line have you accountable for who they’ve become or what they feel like they’ve missed out on.
I’m sure there’s still that special someone out there for you😃, you just haven’t found them yet!
And because you’ve stayed true to yourself, when you do find that special someone who shares your same views and interests, it’ll be even more incredible.
Thankyouu for sharing such an insight, Eric!😃😊
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Yes, religion is a huge aspect of people’s lives…also esp when you’re not part of that 0.001% of people that meet their true love in school lol, the whole equation becomes difficult.
Personally, I think both religion & love, are to be expressed inwardly or individually.
Yes, there are rules to both of these, but people still say rules are meant to be broken. Do you think so too?
I’d leave you with a @treysongz quote, ”Love is hard to find, but love is one of a kind.”
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I see where you’re coming from, and in many situations you can’t really have both. Sometimes one must have the upper hand, even if it is just slightly.
Usually we set ourselves rules, whether it be religiously or in our love life. But rules never have to be set in stone if they aren’t harming anyone (or illegal of course)!😃
Haha a Trey Songz quote, I don’t even think he’s found the love of his life yet as far as I’m aware. But do many people in that kind of industry? That’s for another post😂😂😂
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Personally I don’t think it should be a problem as they are two separate entities. Looking at it from a blank/general perspective, I do not see why you can’t love someone because they believe in a different God (or none at all) than you. I don’t see how that can make someone love you any less, or treat you worse because of that because it’s not a deciding factor when it comes to love. Then again, that’s just me.
I do also believe it also comes down to how strong/serious each person is about their religion because we’ve seen different religions come together in the past, and it will definitely keep happening in the future. And if they can work, why can’t everyone else
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I definitely can see it from that view. I do find if you love someone enough, their religion shouldn’t be a deciding factor. But the issue lies in how much the other person perceives religion to be an overriding factor. And if they do believe that, they might try encourage you to adjust your beliefs.
Plus, many outsiders can and do get involved when people intermarry or even date, as you can see with the counter arguments on this post, which can somewhat tarnish a relationship even if the two people involved are comfortable with one another’s beliefs.
It would be interesting to see if people of different cultures/religions were put on another planet away from outsiders perspectives and everything, and were just alone to see where their love takes them, if love and religion would be such a conflict?
Hmm,🤔 another post for another day!😂😃
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Great post! I’ve thought a lot about these ideas as well. It seems that in today’s world, religion makes love difficult and vice versa. I think that as long as you feel free in your relationship to practice what you believe, love can overcome religious differences and everything else can be worked out. Thanks for sharing this!
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I can completely see that too! It’s the boundaries that you put around your heart, that can turn different people of different cultures away. Does your perfect match have to believe in the same god as you? And even if you do share the same religion initially, what happens if your partner wants to alter their beliefs later down the line? Do you throw it all away? Surely not. If you love someone, you’re supposed to love them entirely, and their views should be a plus, as long as their not harming you. Their views should not be the deciding factor. But it’s so interesting to see many different views!
Thankyouu so much for reading and glad you enjoyed this post!😃🤗
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