Most of us want to be loved, it’s just natural. But to what extent would you go to?
We all want that special someone, films make it look so easy. People around you, happily matched up make it sound so easy. Love, sounds like the one thing which we all crave. No matter our status, rich or poor, we all seize to have. In the modern day world, it’s hard to find someone decent. Even if you’re not asking for too much, or don’t have that many boxes to tick, ticking one may be challenging.
Now, imagine if you have higher expectations than some. I’m in this category. Let’s say you don’t drink, don’t party and are looking for marriage in the near future. That’s very rare, especially when you’re young. I call it the ‘young and fun age’. No one takes you seriously. It’s like you’re playing the lottery! But then there was one. He heard me, saw me and wasn’t scared away. He took me seriously, and shared many of the values I have. I didn’t mind finding someone who drank occasionally and things like that. But this person, didn’t even do that. He partied a little (uni). In my mind, not in the future haha. It was like all my wishes and hopes came at once. Very almost perfect. But, there was a catch.
I wouldn’t really say I hold a religion. I’m not against it but I just don’t believe in anything. Closest religion to me is Christianity. I celebrate Christmas, used to go to church a fair amount and I would classify myself as not religious/christian. I’m the only one in my family unbaptised, I was a cry baby 24/7! But this person’s the complete opposite to me. He’s muslim and fairly strict. Growing up I didn’t experience many encounters from people with that faith. So this would be the first. The longer we were together, it became more of a reality that this is getting serious. That didn’t scare me, but what did, was the realisation of marrying into the religion in the future. Stepping into the unknown is a very scary thing. The more apparent it becomes you wonder, how much you will do for love?
This guy said he wouldn’t be able to marry me unless I convert. So ‘when’ I convert, I’d have to have an islamic name. My first and birth name being Antonia would be my English/western name, and in front of his family after marriage, they’d address me with my chosen islamic name. It was a lot to get my head around but I thought, I respect him and the religion he holds so if it happened, I’d just get used to it. More than a year later I question him. I love hypothetical conversations. I say “if I had my sibling(s) around at our home, and let’s say we had offspring, would you expect my sibling(s) to address me by my actual name Antonia or my islamic name?”. He wasn’t expecting such a good question. Scratching his head for about a minute or two he answers “your islamic name”. I question him further “if the kids asked what my name is (like all kids do) or they see it in a letter for the teacher, what would you want them to see/hear?”. He pauses further for numerous minutes, then responds smiling “your islamic name”.
At this point I need to know more, so I ask “since you’d basically want everyone to call me by my islamic name and not my real birth name, would you expect me to legally change my birth name to the islamic one?”. He really wasn’t expecting such thoroughly thought out questions, so many minutes after he answers “I think it’d make sense so yes, you could have Antonia as your middle name if you wish”. I was in deep shock. Previously, he said something completely different. Now he’s saying he’d more or less expect me to change basically all my names. My whole identity. Gone, for him? I’d fundamentally be trying to be something or someone I’m not. Worst case scenario if you divorce after marriage, would I keep my islamic first name I legally changed, or would I change it back? My mind was gone.
After being in the situation, I always thought I’d probably find it hard meeting someone with the same values as myself unless they have a religion. Because nowadays its hard to even find an average guy, never mind with my expectations. But I question, was I wrong?
How far would you go for love? What wouldn’t you do? What do you think? Comment below!