What Would You Do For Love ?

Most of us want to be loved, it’s just natural. But to what extent would you go to?

We all want that special someone, films make it look so easy. People around you, happily matched up make it sound so easy. Love, sounds like the one thing which we all crave. No matter our status, rich or poor, we all seize to have. In the modern day world, it’s hard to find someone decent. Even if you’re not asking for too much, or don’t have that many boxes to tick, ticking one may be challenging.

Now, imagine if you have higher expectations than some. I’m in this category. Let’s say you don’t drink, don’t party and are looking for marriage in the near future. That’s very rare, especially when you’re young. I call it the ‘young and fun age’. No one takes you seriously. It’s like you’re playing the lottery! But then there was one. He heard me, saw me and wasn’t scared away. He took me seriously, and shared many of the values I have. I didn’t mind finding someone who drank occasionally and things like that. But this person, didn’t even do that. He partied a little (uni). In my mind, not in the future haha. It was like all my wishes and hopes came at once. Very almost perfect. But, there was a catch.

I wouldn’t really say I hold a religion. I’m not against it but I just don’t believe in anything. Closest religion to me is Christianity. I celebrate Christmas, used to go to church a fair amount and I would classify myself as not religious/christian. I’m the only one in my family unbaptised, I was a cry baby 24/7! But this person’s the complete opposite to me. He’s muslim and fairly strict. Growing up I didn’t experience many encounters from people with that faith. So this would be the first. The longer we were together, it became more of a reality that this is getting serious. That didn’t scare me, but what did, was the realisation of marrying into the religion in the future. Stepping into the unknown is a very scary thing. The more apparent it becomes you wonder, how much you will do for love?

This guy said he wouldn’t be able to marry me unless I convert. So ‘when’ I convert, I’d have to have an islamic name. My first and birth name being Antonia would be my English/western name, and in front of his family after marriage, they’d address me with my chosen islamic name. It was a lot to get my head around but I thought, I respect him and the religion he holds so if it happened, I’d just get used to it. More than a year later I question him. I love hypothetical conversations. I say “if I had my sibling(s) around at our home, and let’s say we had offspring, would you expect my sibling(s) to address me by my actual name Antonia or my islamic name?”. He wasn’t expecting such a good question. Scratching his head for about a minute or two he answers “your islamic name”. I question him further “if the kids asked what my name is (like all kids do) or they see it in a letter for the teacher, what would you want them to see/hear?”. He pauses further for numerous minutes, then responds smiling “your islamic name”.

At this point I need to know more, so I ask “since you’d basically want everyone to call me by my islamic name and not my real birth name, would you expect me to legally change my birth name to the islamic one?”. He really wasn’t expecting such thoroughly thought out questions, so many minutes after he answers “I think it’d make sense so yes, you could have Antonia as your middle name if you wish”. I was in deep shock. Previously, he said something completely different. Now he’s saying he’d more or less expect me to change basically all my names. My whole identity. Gone, for him? I’d fundamentally be trying to be something or someone I’m not. Worst case scenario if you divorce after marriage, would I keep my islamic first name I legally changed, or would I change it back? My mind was gone.

After being in the situation, I always thought I’d probably find it hard meeting someone with the same values as myself unless they have a religion. Because nowadays its hard to even find an average guy, never mind with my expectations. But I question, was I wrong?

How far would you go for love? What wouldn’t you do? What do you think? Comment below!

129 thoughts on “What Would You Do For Love ?

  1. I don’t think they let you divorce? In fairness to him, he had probably never had to think about it much. Maybe you being there in the relationship may have helped him. Those of us who don’t really practice religion much can only pray for understanding.
    Look after yourself and be proud of your strength

    Liked by 5 people

      1. I’m impressed by a lot of what you say. I’m even more impressed that you can bring it up. Well done. I’ve had depression my whole adult life and I prefer not to drag another person into my issues so I am happy doing my own thing. Codependency probably allows a lot of questionable men of all types to make more money and do more harm… yet still not be able to heal themselves when sick and alone, or even clean up their own mess when sick. A lot of blame and finger pointing out there too.
        How are human beings going to fix some of the damage done to our home planet and start living together again?

        Liked by 2 people

      2. You wouldn’t be dragging someone else into your life! If they truly care for you they’d happily be apart of your life. But I’m so happy you’re glad doing your own thing.
        The codependency thing so so true. The feeling of having to rely on someone to make you feel stronger or more superior is an odd but common thing. Your words are so wise.

        Thankyouu for reading and commenting!😊

        Liked by 2 people

      3. Thanks for that. I lost people I dearly loved and was close to between the ages of 19 and 22. One was my brother and the other my best mate. I drank for a while. I got wiped by most like a dirty bum. I put the bottle down 20 years ago. I’ve been through everything a male can go through. Obviously there’s the permanent scarring of such experiences and I am pretty peaceful within. A decent doctor taught me to meditate a while ago.

        Liked by 2 people

  2. I think that if you are required to fundamentally change who you are for religious or cultural norms that perhaps you should not pursue a further deepening of that relationship. If they fall in love with you when you are you then how could they love the person they are asking you to change yourself into? I look at it this way. It took you at least 20 to 25 years in most cases to become who you are. Then you meet someone who for cultural or religious reasons say you must abandon all that you had to cultivate within yourself to be come you? I feel would be untrue to yourself and a sure way to loose yourself and your identity. Perhaps it’s just my up bringing in a free society that makes me feel this way. I just think one should be themselves always and if your asked to change for reason’s other than self improvement, it is a path to sorrow and disappointment in the future.
    I love this topic! Very thought provoking!

    Liked by 9 people

    1. Your words are so meaningful! Really well stated points. Aww Thankyouu so glad you enjoyed this post! Thankyouu for reading and commenting!😊

      Liked by 3 people

  3. Antonia is a beautiful name and you are a beautiful young lady. Anyone wanting to change anything about you doesn’t love ‘the you that you are’ and therefore is a No Go.
    God be with you my dear. Just be what you are… for my views on Love please read my blogs Love is a One Way Street and Never Fall in Love
    Wishing you a happy and fulfilling life Antonia 🤗

    Liked by 6 people

  4. Dear Antonia

    This is a kind of blackmailing of your friend and it show his intolerance. The true religion is the religion of love in which all religion find their space and respect. As we are all children of God, no matter which colour, which religion, which culture or nationality we belong to, we are all brothers and sisters in Him. In unconditional love no-one is excluded. And the love of God is like the sun, it shines for everyone.

    And what kind of love is this when it starts with conditions…? This is only ego-love, but not love from the heart, it is so-called love from ego and mind.

    Thanks for sharing, my friend and good luck that the right one may come to you.
    All the best
    Didi

    Liked by 6 people

  5. What’s there in a name! How can a name be synonymous with identity. But then how far does one go for love! Love is two bodies one soul, must be felt and reciprocated by each partner. I believe true love lies in accepting the other as they are and then embark on a journey together building on what one has. As for me I personally feel that one does not fall in love but one Rises in Love.🥰🥰🥰

    Liked by 6 people

  6. Antonia is such a lovely name….we should not change ourselves for anyone….
    Be courageous to be who you are!!
    Wish you a happy future!!💕💕🌹

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I’ve only just discovered so many comments were automatically put in spam, which is so annoying. I haven’t seen them until now!
      Thankyouu so much! Wishing you an even happier future! Thankyouu for reading and commenting!😊

      Liked by 1 person

  7. This is tough but only you know how far you would go for love. However having to completely change my identity is a no go for me. We do so many things to prove our love but love shouldn’t be that way. Yes relationships can be hard sometimes trying and difficult but never brutal, soul crushing, or identity changing. If you have to change who you are for someone…..I would question being there. Would they do the same for you? We as women are willing to give up so much for men, what are they willing to give up for us?

    Liked by 6 people

    1. You’re completely right. It’s so bizarre even contemplating a new identity. And I would’ve never have known unless I was in that situation. So many inexplicable things happen in this world and sometimes, life gives you them to challenge you. How you react will ultimately define you.
      Your questions were very thought provoking. Very wise words.
      Thankyouu so much for reading and commenting!😊

      Liked by 3 people

      1. Wow I’ve never thought about it like that! Such an in depth response. Thankyouu for reading and commenting!😊

        Like

  8. I think the Islamic name change may have been a catalyst that allowed you to see that this wasn’t a good match. My first fiance was a very nice person but my mother didn’t like him. My husband, of 37 years, was an instant success with my mum. There are so many wonderful men out there. My husband was brought up in a different faith and it caused a few problems with the extended family. Neither of us were particularly religious but we both have a strict moral code. We had enough in common to make us a good match and both our mothers thought so. Our bridesmaid and best man (our best friends) also married each other a few years later. Friends and family can be very good guides for a potential match.
    I changed my beautiful Spanish last name to my husband’s Scottish one. It was my choice and my husband eagerly offered to change his to mine! Occasionally I regret not keeping my name but it was long and difficult to pronounce. In my heart I will always be a Spanish Princesa. You will find your handsome prince and he will be perfect for you. ❤

    Liked by 3 people

    1. So interesting! 37 years?! That’s amazing, I hope for many more years!❤️ Thankyou for your words of wisdom!
      Also thankyouu for reading and commenting!😊

      Liked by 4 people

    1. I’ve only just discovered so many comments were automatically put in spam, which is so annoying. I haven’t seen them until now!
      Aw Thankyouu I hope she enjoys!😊

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Do use the mirror for self-love beyond the form, dearest Antonia.
      The light shining through the eyes is the same in us all.

      It takes everything we go through to remember our essential oneness
      and to start experiencing the unconditional love that we are.

      You are doing great, precious one.
      Blessings through my heart to yours 💜🙏

      Liked by 2 people

  9. Brilliantly expressed, Antonia! Perhaps if you’re too much for certain people, you aren’t going to be truly accepted by them no matter how hard you try – it’s probably for the best if you walk away. Whereas with the right people, they accept you for who you are and you’re not too much or too less. They don’t want anything else but you. 🙂 ❤

    Liked by 4 people

  10. Antonia is beautiful name!
    God gathers man and woman to create family. People create religions to divide people. Happy are people who really trust in God!
    God bless you!💖

    Liked by 4 people

  11. Nice to meet you!
    I am Japanese. And the nation of Japan is a nation of “eight million gods”, and in the spirit that God dwells in all things and nothingness, it is a nation that has been performing prayer together in nature and praying from the ancient times is. So I do not think that what you are talking about is a mistake from the fundamental concept of accepting everything in nature!

    Liked by 2 people

  12. The problem is not so much the religion but what’s normal for one and normal for the other tends to cause divide. It might be that the one asked to change thinks they can do this but in reality it’s going to cause issues at some point in my view.

    What happened in the end of this story?

    Liked by 3 people

  13. Love works both ways, both would have to make adjustments in their life. if you love someone you love them for who they are not what they are. And perhaps the love of God comes into this where you are expected to put God first in a relationship; but which version of god do you love most, the one you were brought up with or the new one. and how much do you know about each one to make a serious choice?

    Liked by 4 people

    1. I entirely agree with what you’re saying. Such wise words and valid points! Very thought provoking! Thankyouu for reading and commenting!😊

      Liked by 2 people

  14. Excellent analysis and thought Antonia. God created YOU as someone special. He wants and accepts us as we are. I always understand and accept Christianity as a relationship, not religion. That’s what Christ was teaching. Christianity should not be forceful. Simple belief, faith and trust – with acknowledgement, makes a big difference. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  15. Please read my Page, “About Equipping Blog.” In that page you will notice how I explain that being a follower of Christ is not being a member of a religion. Please keep up your good work.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. The following paste from your post is a major red flag. It very possibly affect your happiness, and maybe your safety. Consider what would happen if you were to have children.

    But this person’s the complete opposite to me. He’s muslim and fairly strict. Growing up I didn’t experience many encounters from people with that faith. So this would be the first. The longer we were together, it became more of a reality that this is getting serious. That didn’t scare me, but what did, was the realisation of marrying into the religion in the future. Stepping into the unknown is a very scary thing. The more apparent it becomes you wonder, how much you will do for love?

    This guy said he wouldn’t be able to marry me unless I convert. So ‘when’ I convert, I’d have to have an islamic name.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Great post. I saw that you liked one of my entries, so I popped over for a read and found myself here. I don’t really care what your religious belief may be. You can still be the person you are when it comes to love as ultimately you fall for the person and not the religion etc. Change my name? Hell no, I’m sorry, I truly don’t care what your background may be when it comes to religion or anything like that really. I accept people for every aspect of their lives but to ask me to change my name and all that that goes with marrying someone of strong traditions it is something I would take a hard pass on. I am trying to find the real me as it is, my own identity of who I am deep down inside. I don’t need someone stripping the very existence of who I am by taking the one thing the does Identify me, nah…sorry it’s not for me. But, again, I respect all that, it’s just not me.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Haha I completely get where you’re coming from! It’s almost unheard of. Very interesting tho. Thankyouu so much for reading and commenting!😊

      Liked by 1 person

  18. Love can overcome all, only if your individual development is growing in unison with your relational development. This seems to be a paradox I run into most times in working with couples. It is a hard journey to engage the after in happily ever after. It is work, but a vocation with real rewards when pursued. Thank you for this great article.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. typically in a traditional marriage, the woman would change her LAST name only, but there is no law or rule to say one has too. in more recent times, women keep their name for many reasons, like having established themselves in business and to change their name would cause some problems. some men have changed their last name to the woman’s last name. changing ones name does not change WHO you are, but it can change how you can be IDENTIFIED.. i see the relationship you are speaking of is very controlling. if this is the type of relationship you wish, then go ahead. to me, a bonding of relationships should compliment each other.
    each of us has their own idea of “love.”
    one should not force or expect the one they wish to marry to “change.” for then they would not be the one they came to love.
    “And what kind of love is this when it starts with conditions…?” I like this line from didiis’ comment.
    i also feel, since you are bring it up, you feel there is something wrong with this relationship.
    in the end, it really doesnt matter what we say of feel, as long as YOU are happy.
    what would i do for love? be the person my lover fell in love with.

    good luck

    Liked by 1 person

    1. What you said is so interesting! And and right in many aspects! Thankyouu for reading and commenting!😊

      Like

  20. I cringed (at first) reading this! (((φ(◎ロ◎;)φ)))

    Two observations about youth — It’s the time in your life that **you** can entirely set **yourself** up for the rest of your life (for better or for worse). And in ten-years time, you’ll be as different from the you of now as you are from yourself ten years ago.

    Patience is a virtue in finding lasting and constructive companionship. It can’t be based in warping another’s character… and especially not to an arbitrary set of beliefs. A good partner is also a best friend, and that kind of relationship takes a lot of trial-and-error, time and exploration to find and to develop. And you’ll discover that a lot of non-religious people come to the same conclusions as yourself. I think you made a wise choice. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  21. If you fall in love. The person accepted you, as-is. Changing religion. A great change. Moving to another city or state. A life change. I believe life-change is okay. But would a New York girl want to live in rural Georgia? You asked important questions. I told my daughters. Never date a man who live at home and had no car at 25 years old.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I get where you’re coming from. And a man who lives at home with no car at 25 are major red flags, you’re very right! Thankyouu so much for reading and commenting!😊

      Liked by 1 person

  22. I would never let my life partner/significant other dictate mandatory relationship rules aside from loyalty and fidelity to each other. The relationship between my boyfriend and me has been negotiated and renegotiated through the years. Neither one of us is dominant.

    Liked by 1 person

  23. Very deep questions… I would always need to keep my identity in any relationship. I wouldn’t ever ask my partner to change his and I would expect him to love and respect and accept me as I am… I realise it’s more complicated than this when you get into religion… but they are my personal values. Two people have to be equals. Wishing you peace and love 🥰

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I completely hear you, and it is very important to keep your core values and that include identity in many ways. Thankyouu so much for reading and commenting!😊

      Liked by 1 person

  24. very interesting post, as are some of the opinions of others…I am a Christian, but if I were to marry a lady from another religious background—which I don’t see anything wrong with at all—I believe it would be a wrong (at least, spiritually speaking) to subtly or compulsorily compel her to pick up and use a Christian name as her first name…I’m no judge, but the issue I see with your man is an inclination or tendency to lean towards his religion—for now, at least this shows in the area of using an Islamic name: this inclination is a bit obvious and in my opinion, could become an issue and probably grow into a 9-headed monster…personally, I see religion as something most of us are born into, but spirituality is our core—the human spirit—not religion… GOD gave us a free will…

    there should be no advice, no compulsion, no inclination towards requesting that someone use a different name… he can only call you a name and recommend you use it, only IF YOU ARE OK WITH IT… thank you…

    (sorry to add this: please be careful: thread carefully…one unticked box could still prove that not all that seems to glitter is gold…)

    Liked by 1 person

  25. Bonjour ou bonsoir mon Ami,Amie

    Chaque jour, je vois défiler le temps
    devant moi la réalité, derrière moi un passé
    Chaque jour, je fais les mêmes gestes
    Les mêmes mouvements
    Assis devant un café, je viens te retrouver
    L’ordinateur est devenu mon ami avec lui
    je t’offre un peu de joie un peu de bonheur
    et toute l’amitié que j’ai au fond du cœur
    Profite bien et ai pleinement conscience du bonheur de vivre
    Je te souhaite un bonne fin de semaine

    Bises amicales
    Bernard

    Liked by 1 person

  26. You change for no man or his religion’s. Your unique and special your a Daughter of Creation remain a Virgin to the words of men and thier religion’s. Become a Woman of, High Maintenance, settle for nothing less. All my daughter’s are, High Maintenance.

    Liked by 1 person

  27. There are millions of women who change their name for the sake of love and that tradition is carried across many religions and cultures. Your choosing not to folliow your love’s wish of name-change for the fear of life after divorce is not wise imho. Due to such a petty issue, you sacrificed your life and love. Very strange!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I completely get what you’re saying🙏 such wise words.
      Thankyouu so much for reading and commenting!😊

      Like

  28. That is a tough situation to be in. I mean if you do anything in a relationship especially making changes about yourself just make sure it’s something you really want.
    I myself personally I don’t know if would do that because I think that two people should be able to completely be themselves. I don’t judge people I think everyone has the right to do what they want But, I think that if others do anything for love just be sure that what you choose to do you are confident in and won’t regret it later.
    I hope what I said makes sense.

    Liked by 1 person

  29. Hmmmm….lemme see. What DID I do for love (past tense)? Purchased my current wife for a $35,000 bride price to her father. Kind of steep at the time, but as time has passed the cost-per-year has come down a bit (not including annual maintenance costs of course).

    Liked by 1 person

  30. That is the final price her father set, all I had to do was agree or not. Quite simple really. After the deal was done with “dad”, I married her. Yeah, at the time I thought it was a steep price too, but I got my money’s worth.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow I’m amazed! I’m glad it’s worked out for you and your wife. That’s so interesting as you don’t hear a lot about those kind of arrangements in the westernised world, so I hope to dive into more of your experiences on your blog, if you’re sharing on there!
      Thankyouu so much for reading and commenting!😊

      Like

  31. If a person is truly accepting you, how can he ask you to change how you identify yourself? It goes deeper than changing your name. What else will he expect or demand that you do that is contrary to what makes you you? Making compromises on little things is part of marriage, but I’d be wary of someone asking me to change my fundamental beliefs and the way I think of myself.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. That’s what I don’t understand. Also, if you change your name, where do you draw the line? You make such valid points!
      Thankyouu so much for reading and commenting!😊

      Liked by 1 person

  32. You are a beautiful young lady with a beautiful name and one day a beautiful person just like yourself will enter your life and love everything about you with no expectations of changing who you are.

    Liked by 2 people

  33. That doesn’t sound like love, it sounds like control. If a man respects who a woman is, he doesn’t demand that she change her religion, her name, her way of being in the world, and her beliefs. This guy’s got red flags all over him. Run.

    Liked by 1 person

  34. I’d wait and find someone who loves me just like I am. If someone wants you to change who you are (especially such a beautiful name) they don’t truly love the real you. They love who they want you to be.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I know, a names a big deal isn’t it? Almost unheard of. I thoroughly hear what you’re saying! Thankyouu for your insight!😊

      Like

  35. It is a nice one.
    I Know there certain aspects of our lives that can’t be compromised. One should bond and marry someone with same belief . sometimes we feel love conquers all but how will it when your life is heading the other way and mine is going the opposite direction ?
    The offspring will also be affected.
    That marriage will not be a happy one. Someone will gradually be hurting till it breaks.
    There are things that can be ignored but some things are too serious to ignore .

    If you are ready to the consequences go ahead if not withdraw while the sun is up.

    How can two work together except they agree?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You’re so right! All your points are incredibly valid, and I like the way you think in such a realistic way. Sometimes (a lot of the time) love doesn’t conquer all and you have to think realistically about the situation and relationship. And how far it’ll actually go. You also have to think of the worst case scenarios of being with someone of different religious beliefs and so on from you. It may seem all lovely and amazing to begin with, but often later down the line, their beliefs can get stronger, and that can really counteract what you truly believe.
      Thankyouu so much for reading and commenting!!
      Have a lovely day😊

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.