Meeting The Parents AKA In-Laws; One Question, Why?

“Hi, I’m Ben. I like your daughter. Intentions? I’m unsure; what will be, will be!” – this is why meeting the in-laws should not be a priority in 2024.

You’re dating, possibly in love. Good time to meet the parents, right? In my opinion, nope. If your mentality is modern, why entertain old fashioned customs? Realistically, less and less people are getting married and if they do, it’s in the very distant future. Dating with intent is uncommon, so where did the origin of meeting the ‘in-laws’ come from?

Way back when. Many years ago, but still commonly practiced in the days of our parents’ generation… before even asking a girl or lady out, you practically knew wedding bells wouldn’t be far off. It was almost expected if a guy asked you out, his intentions go without saying as they wouldn’t look your way otherwise. The lady would then ponder even initially accepting the date as usually there’s a high chance the date may eventuate into marriage in a year or two; sometimes even sooner. Then before the actual date or in the very initial stages of courting, you’d introduce yourself to her parents as she’d generally be residing in the family home; making your serious intentions known – hopeful of their acceptance in you as a not so distant spouse.
So meeting the parents would be a big deal. A lot would be riding on it, the present and future is reliant on that moment.
That one chance could ultimately make your dreams come true… unless you both rebel and escape off into the sunset.

Today, men and women date fairly equally, without expectations. Generally, people don’t date to marry, they sometimes don’t even date to be in a relationship, overtime it just happens unintended. Pressure, labels, planning for the future is few and far between. Non-monogamy, monogamy, open relationships, polyamory; the list goes on. In a time where people have the most control and choice, why do they consciously decide not to exercise this? If that’s the case. what does meeting the parents mean to this generation?

It’s essentially just a realistic, interactive version of social media. Almost like a live-action of sims. Going through the motions, parents is one of them, unfortunately. It’s interpreted or shall I say misinterpreted as an important step forward. Almost an official stamp of approval and recognition. Significant and meaningful, but to whom? Hmm, many times, it’s sadly the parents that are the guinea pigs. Like the punchline of a comedic sketch. Sorry to break it to you, but as easily as a photo can be deleted on your socials like it never happened… it’s the equivalent.

Sure, parents should know who’s in your life. Maybe even have a nosey if they like. But the filtration system of your love life is no longer your parents problem, it’s actually yours.
What do you both want? Where is it going? What are your intentions? It’s no longer an obvious assumption, being on the same page is more critical than ever. After all, there’s so much choice, the simplest question: what do you want? Can seem the most impossible to answer.

Respecting your family and elders is more than an introduction. It’s a way of life that comes way before meeting them. If a partner doesn’t respect you, how do you expect them to respect your parents? Two consenting adults, unsure of what they’re consenting to whether that be long-term or short-term starkly reduces the importance of meeting the in-laws. Why even bother impressing them? Why even call them in-laws, as in all honesty, if you haven’t reviewed your intentions, what even are the intentions behind an introduction? An acknowledgement that you’re seeing where it’s going? The seal of approval is no longer necessary.

You’re free to live life as you wish. But expecting to bring others into the equation just for the sake of it, could almost be seen as selfish, nonsensical, tiring and simply emotionally draining. Why bother bonding with someone if they don’t know whether they intend or desire to share a life with your child?
Figure it out in your own time, not mine. Save your parents and family the excessive introductions and time.

If anyone ever says to you or your parents: I’m taking it slow, or we’ll see where it goes, or I don’t like pressure… Sir or Lady, what part of meeting the parents isn’t pressure?!
You make your mind off before ordering off the menu, not after it’s been served up.

In 2024, I believe many meet the parents as a way of marking your territory. Once your parents are formally introduced to your significant other, it’s expected and almost common curtesy to see where it goes. But in reality, the dating scene is rapid. They’ve met Susie’s parents a week before meeting mine. Why make introductions and formalities without intent, visions or perspective? You’re not only leading your partner on, you’re also leading his/her parents on. It’s a way of blocking your partners potential dating trajectory, until you figure out where yours is at. Reverse psychology.
A way of thinking their eggs are in your basket, but in reality they have a hen producing eggs as we speak, ready for another unlucky metaphorical basket.

If I’m blessed enough to have children, I don’t think I’d wish to meet people my offspring date prematurely. Yes, I’d be very interested to know who they are, do my FBI research, know their blood group, address and order a lie detector test, but other than that – the face to face introduction can wait until a grown up walks in here and actually sees and honours what’s right in front of them. And backs that up with actions. Instead of still figuring out how they actually feel towards your child. That’s ludicrous, immature, audacious, and unimaginably arrogant to me.
If you’re bold-faced to meet the parents, you better have a backbone kiddo and have your life in order.

Am I too pessimistic? Maybe. Do I question and analyse peoples actions and words? Yes. Do I know the modern era very well and that more people are opting to live together or simply not believe in monogamy? Hell yes. I know true active serious intent is dwindling, so to protect my own family, especially elders I opt to only introduce them to a spouse when the commitment is imminent.

It may be deemed acceptable to play dumb at life or perceive it as a game, but bloods thicker than water and unless you’ve earned the right to be shortlisted with the honour of even meeting my loved ones, the way out is where you’re already standing.

What do you think? What does meeting the in-laws mean to you? Do you decide if your partner is the one for you before or after meeting their parents? Should you wait to meet the in-laws until you’re soon to be married or engaged? Do you believe in early introductions? What was it like for you meeting your partner’s parents? Comment below!