Remind you of your mother? Cook just like your mother but she adds a secret ingredient? Could this comparison be a recipe for disaster or a life of tight-knit familia bliss?
I’m sure we’ve all been there, if not, how’ve you managed to escape it?! Great guy, family ties, you’re winning. You align family loyalty with values, so you know you’re onto a winner. Until you realise you may be dating a mummy’s boy.
Now, historically that’s not typically a bad sign, highly desirable in many aspects. Respect? Check. Manners? Check. Intentional? More often than not, check. Emotional intelligence? Check. Career? Possibly, dependent on the attachment. But is it ever healthy to bridge a gap between a partner reminding you of their mother? Most definitely! Let me explain why.
Your mother’s given birth to you. Raised you. Loved and cared for you (typically, dependent on childhood of course), nurtured you and most of all provided for you. Whether that be food, shelter and/or financial. A way to a man’s heart is by his stomach, so you can see where the attachment between mother and son would come from! It’s only natural. The bond will forever be there, united and should be respected by any potential partner. But personally, the respect should go two ways and be mutually beneficial. If you have a partner or spouse, the exclusive hierarchy system of comparative default system should no longer be fully operational.
The issue will lie in, when you seek true independence you create your own customs. Your own traditions. And your own immediate family. Cloning your mother’s personality, culinary skills, image, or overall behaviour can leave your partner feeling like an unnamed placeholder for your mother. And is simply an unhealthy dynamic.
No woman wants to feel like your mother when it’s Valentine’s Day, you know?
I recall being with a mother’s boy many moons ago, I’d be making roast potatoes. First couple attempts were memorable, (I blame the oven) then the third or so, came out perfectly. I was very impressed with myself, call me Antonia Ramsay.
Only to hear, “My mother makes the best roast potatoes, I’ll ask what she adds to them.”. AND NOT ONLY THAT, months later, sent me photos out of nowhere enjoying a motherly-made roast with golden roast potatoes, heaven-sent of course, halo not included. Along with step-by-step photos of how and what ingredients their mother used to achieve the best roast potatoes on planet earth. I swear, I saw gold leaf sprinkled on top instead of salt, maybe my hallucinations were kicking in by that stage.
Now don’t get me wrong, there’s a time and a place for motherly and daughter-in-law culinary lessons, but even then, please don’t echo your mother with each mouthful.
Where is your partner’s respect? Time, energy, effort and most of all love goes into everything your partner does. Who do they do that for? Not your family, not your neighbours cat, not Sandra across the road, you.
Once you start hearing motherly comparisons whether that be food related, parenting style related or even career related, you know it may be doomed. You’re in too deep. You either run for the hills or buy your man child a booster seat as boy, you’ll be in for the ride of your life. Unless your mother recommends a better driving technique too.
Guys, we get you don’t realise you’re doing it. But please, I highly advise you wean off the breastmilk, as then I think you’ll uncover the special secret ingredient. After all, mother always knows best, right?
Remember that next time you want to get lucky. Yes, it’s a vibe killer.
Don’t compare, be aware and appreciate differences. You can love both in different ways, as trust me, if you ask majority of women if it’s mummy’s way or the highway, they’ll be flooring the fast lane faster than you can say mama, or should I say babble?
What do you think? Is comparing a girlfriend or wife to your mother a compliment? Is comparing your dad to your boyfriend a turn off? Where would you draw the line? Have you experienced the predicament? Comment below!
Beauty File 
No one should compare anyone to anyone. We’re all unique and yet have elements of those around us too.
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Precisely! Especially comparing a romantic relationship to a parental one; all kinds of peculiar lines are being crossed there. Everyone is special in their own way, respect the unique quirks without trying to clone your mama.
Thankyou so much for sharing your insight, Simon!!😊🤍
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Exactly you said it.
You’re always welcome and I hope you’re keeping well 🙂
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This is a recipe for disaster, Antonia. I can imagine being the wife and listening to my husband carry on about his mother and her cooking. Yikes, I would be getting angrier by the day. Just don’t do that stuff. Man up.
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Haha I think you’d be surprised by how many women have experienced this! Imagine Christmas Day, having your in-laws come over only to have every carrot, potato and parsnip criticised. Never mind the turkey, I didn’t realise my audience were food critics! KFC would be praised more than any efforts you make. Trust me, the pressure cooker wouldn’t be the only thing at boiling point! I’d advise anyone to keep the carving tools under lock and key during the festive period🤣🤦♀️.
Exactly, there’s a line! Cut the umbilical cord, please; better late than never.🤣🤍
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You have KFC? I’m sorry! 😂 Fast food is something I avoid. There’s a KFC in walking distance from my home but I avoid it because it never agrees with my system, Antonia. I couldn’t live with someone continually tearing me apart.
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I never actually have KFC, don’t judge me! I very rarely have it. It’s not what it once was and it’s unhealthy. My system happily agrees with it I must admit, but it shouldn’t! It should be a toxic relationship!🤣 I’m sorry to hear your system doesn’t agree with it, does it agree with any fast food or it’s naturally intolerant?😄
You shouldn’t ever have to live with that, full stop. 🛑
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Yes, I can eat other junk food but don’t because it’s toxic stuff and it sharply affects my blood pressure. No thanks! 😂
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Does the apple ever fall far from the tree; men of my generation have always said if you want to know what your girlfriend will be like as a wife, after you are married – look at her mother. Is that really true, or can a new environment (marriage, children) change us, do we not all change throughout our life, and a couple can grow in love and harmony, though they be poles apart in their thinking, beliefs and idiosyncrasies, don’t you think?
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Yes I’ve heard of this saying, I think times have drastically changed, not so much for the better in my personal opinion. I think prior generations will be oblivious or so distant from the reality today, it may be quite inaccurate. Potentially, the theory is outdated, if times hadn’t changed so much, most definitely!
Additionally, the past doesn’t dictate your future, sometimes your parents may have practiced different beliefs, religions or traditions for example.
With that being said, I do always look towards their parents as a rough estimate whilst sprinkling a large pinch of salt due to the sign of the times and the impact that may have for younger generations. It’s unknown territory!
Thankyouu so much for sharing your wise insight, Walter!😊🤍
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Everyone is different. You can’t compare two people with each other. That is very toxic. Enjoy people as they are!
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I second this! There’s a generational difference and a relationship status incomparable to each-other. A certain level of disassociation should be practised here… Or at least it should be? Worrisome if not!
Respecting both is key! Both lines should never be crossed. That way they both have their own individual hierarchy without disrespecting one another.
Thankyouu so much for sharing your wisdom!😊🤍
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Thank you for this! A lot of men say, “My mom did this, why can’t my wife.” Not knowing that a lot of us have seen our mothers struggle. We don’t want to follow the same path. Hence why we break the cycle. But then the comparisons start coming!
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Exactly! Break the cycle. There’s an unhealthy expectation in society that women should not only clone their mother in law, but exceed their predecessor. Based on men’s interpretation theorising women’s fulfilment, or possibly lack of. I remember watching a tv show where couples had the potential to get married in an experiment ‘Love is Blind’, a guy on there said to his partner, “My mum was a single mother so had to work and take care of the children, I expect my wife to do the same – not only one role or the other. If my mum could do it, so should you.”. In the end, this couple didn’t marry…
I don’t think men realise, if a woman does it all resulting in exhaustion and a lack of self care due to having no choice or additional help from a partner, why do they need you? They can do it all themselves; more middle-aged women are filing for divorce, one of the main reasons why is the epiphany that there’s a lack of fulfilment due to the many roles women are expected to have at the cost of ‘love’. This can also affect men too if there’s not enough balance in a relationship or marriage.
No comparisons or shaping another human being to fit your caricature. It’s not healthy or sustainable.
Thankyouu so much for sharing your wise words, it makes so much sense!😃🤍
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We have to do a better job at raising our sons. That is how we break the cycle!
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OMG…and never ever, even accidentally call yur wife MOM!….I’ve learned that the hard way, never turns out well….
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Hahaha I couldn’t think of anything worse! By the sounds of it, you learnt the hard way😂😂🫨
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Thankyou so much!😊🤍
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Well my mother was even worse than John Candy’s mother (played by Maureen O’ Hara) in the movie Only The Lonely.
So any comparison of a girl to my mother would most definitely be not complimentary.
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Oh bless you😅 at least your mother made an unforgettable impression! Haha I’m sure there may be positive similarities…
If not, potentially best to park comparisons until you’re in a heated conversation as retaliatory ammunition; timing and context is everything here😂😂!
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Very true, timing and context is definitely everything. 😅😂😂
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