We don’t think about these situations, until we find ourselves in it. Is it a deal breaker? What would you do?
I found myself watching a tv chat show, where this topic was mentioned. They had a guest appear on the show and she started off by saying she’s 40 years old and has a podcast speaking about women who don’t want children like herself. She just doesn’t see a child in her future and has no desire for that. She made it clear that she doesn’t want children and she sees her dog(s) as her kids in a way. She stumbled upon how her fiancé wants children.
He really wants kids but she has said it’s never gonna happen and she doesn’t want that. And what I had trouble figuring out is, how he engaged her? And they’re supposed to be getting married in the near future. When such a huge lifestyle choice isn’t the same. And her words that “she never wants children”. How can you then think, ‘this is the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with’, when she doesn’t want the same things you want. Not everything should be the same in a relationship or marriage; of course not. But the fundamental things in life, you’re meant to be on the same page and share those same interests, like bringing a life into the world.
How much can an individual love you, if they don’t want to make a little version of both of you? It’s perfectly fine if both of you decide not to have children and it’s a mutual decision but how can you say vows, promising certain values to one another when really you’re on two completely separate pages? I think if you as a woman, don’t want to conceive, you really shouldn’t try to part someone of their wishes. Same goes for a man not wanting have children. As it just shows how selfish you are as a person. I’d feel so cruel marrying someone, knowing I’m not going to have children, and they want the total opposite.
What do you truly think his family think of you? Would you think that they’d honestly value you? Especially his mother? Most mothers want to see their offspring have children. If they don’t want to, you can’t force them to change their mind. But if your son does wish to have children and his fiancé doesn’t, do you geniunely think they’ll hold you in the highest regards? No.
If someone can’t have children due to health reasons and you do, that’s a different story. As it isn’t in their control, so if you wholeheartedly love them, it may not make a difference to your relationship/marriage. But if somebody is well enough, and they’re making a decision for the both of you, I think you should think very hard about your future, as breaking up with them may open up a entirely different door and world for you.
I remember when I was about 14+ up until the age of around 17-18. I always used to say I will never have children and don’t want to. I wanted to have my tubes tied so the chances are virtually impossible for it to happen. I was certain. My mum always used to say, I’ll change my mind when I get older. And guess what? I did. I met someone, I fell in love with them and genuinely thought I’d want to give them children one day if I’m lucky enough. As I know that’s what they’d want and also, they feeling for me changed and I actually would want to conceive in the future.
If you find out something early on, like such a big factor such as, you not sharing the same interest of having children, don’t hope that ‘they’ll change their mind’, or ‘you’ll be able to make them think the way you think’. NO. Don’t waste your time. You only live once, so who do you think you are to try and modify one’s desire? And the last thing that should ever go through your mind is to put a ring on that persons finger. What do you think the chances of that marriage not working out are? Pretty high. You will always have a certain amount of resent towards that person, and it won’t go away, it’ll only worsen.
Imagine someone trying to end your lineage. What would you do in that situation? How would you feel? Have you been in this situation or know someone in it? Comment below!