Did You Ruin Me Or Did I Ruin Myself?

Blame game or should we look closer to home? You wouldn’t believe this is slightly Super Bowl related…

Inspiration: Usher – ‘Ruin’. If you didn’t know, the halftime performer for Super Bowl LVIII is the one and only R&B living legend, Usher.

Listening to his newest track ‘Ruin’ reminded me of his nostalgic storytelling talent that hits you when you least expect it. Beyond the velvety, buttery, smooth vocals and a silky rhythmic blend of afrobeats with amapiano, the message sets it apart from generic, unoriginal competitors.

Lyrics include:

“Babe, you broke me and took your time with it
Babe, you gave me all these memories that I regret
All I can do is congratulate
You ruined me for everybody (Ooh)
Yeah, you ruined me for everybody (Ooh, ooh),”

The somewhat dramatic message signals and details the interpretation of others being ruined and manipulated by an ex / past endeavours. We tend to reflect on childhood for signs or explanations of commitment, loyalty, trust issues or blaming future partners as we constantly look for relevant issues or red flags we missed in the past. But does that ruin our own future? If you may have been lucky enough to have a good balanced upbringing, why aren’t our love lives echoing that?

We have a tendency of tarring someone with the same brush we’ve already thrown out; constantly aligning a potential with an ex whilst expecting a different outcome. In reality, we ruin our own path moving forwards by letting our past doctor our next chapter. Stop the cycle.

Rewind to just before your first love or romantic endeavour. The naivety, innocence, excitement we all had, novelty almost, no longer remains. We refer to us being immature and a baby then before opening your eyes and life teaching you lessons. That wasn’t life, those were potentially individuals that have damaged our outlook, long-term. Yes, they may have broken your heart, but your new date sitting opposite hasn’t. How do you stop the repetitive nature that still affects and controls your life? We can’t expect someone to mend the broken china that another shattered. As then a loop of dependency begins. If you take enough time, you’ll realise you still behold all the tiny remnants to rebuild it yourself; making yourself truly ready for the future. You wouldn’t pour scolding tea into a broken teacup; fill in the gaps.

We jeopardise future relationships by emotionally living in the past. We may feel like we’ve moved on, but you’re essentially a different person as you’ve become immune to pain, mistrust, doubt, lack of confidence, self worth and more. A new diamond ring initially has an iridescent sparkle. Years down the line after wear, you wouldn’t sell it on without having it cleaned and polished to return it back to its once flawless self. So how do we renew our heart?

It could or may seem impossible. I think the journey is different for everyone, grieving is an individualistic journey. Time isn’t an automatic healer. Learning more about yourself, self love, and ultimately closing the chapter forever whilst truly grieving the months or years spent shared with another, can help separate past emotional baggage that habitually lingers moving forward. Signs that you’re mentally still attached to previous endeavours include: the inability of embracing the here and now without references or contemplating the authenticity due to your past. Or comparing the similarities to what you know. Your memories can be a heavy burden that no longer exists. So why reenforce it?

Looking back may ruin your journey ahead, so stay present whilst protecting your heart for those worthy. But don’t let the past dictate the start. You have one life, try not to let others or memories influence your destiny.

Finally, the song is 10/10. Storytelling with a realism that resonates. What do you think? Are you excited for Super Bowl? Comment below!