When you start dating somebody, you begin to envision meeting their parents and family. But when do you think is the right time? Is it important?
Fundamentally, I think it depends on the relationship. At times, people are together but they haven’t spoken about the future. For you to meet your partners parents, I think you have to be able to see a future with them, or else what’s the point in the meeting? In my mind, being in a relationship automatically means, you see a future with them, but nowadays, the majority of this generation disagrees.
Occasionally, people introduce their partner to their parents very early on, within the first few weeks or months. I think that’s great, but on the other hand, I wouldn’t want my parent and family meeting different guys. Like they’re on a conveyor belt! Also, I imagine it puts extra strain on a relationship, if you’ve met everyone on both sides then, then let’s say if you feel like the relationship is going downhill and the end might be increasingly near, you feel kind of embarrassed. The shame that comes with that can scare you from ending things. Usually everyone always asks “How are you and John going?” and you think, I’m gonna have to tell everyone it didn’t work out and you’re going to be receiving the same “ohhh I’m sorry, what happened?” reaction.
A relationship under the microscope being watched by many can feel like you’re in a furnace, not being able to breathe, without someone having their input, one way or another. I’ve experienced people having their oar in something that doesn’t concern them, not because they want what’s best for you, they just want control and that is extremely unhealthy. If there’s an elder in your family who let’s say has ‘racial views’, nobody will ever be good enough unless they come from a certain ethnic background, or at very least have a certain complexion. I’ve seen people trying to make up situations, just to make me end a relationship. And that inexplicable input can turn any relationship, toxic.
Saying that, I do think you should meet each others parents fairly early on. It’s just respectful. Firstly, as it’s for your own safety and protection, so people know and are aware of who you’re dating. Secondly, partners sometimes don’t want you to meet their parents, leaving you asking yourself, why is that? It’s because they don’t see a future with you. Or they think their parents won’t like you which will burden your relationship. I understand some religions have more strict views when it comes to dating and some believe you shouldn’t even have a girlfriend. But I think it’s very important as those individuals will just use you, even if they tell you they see a future with you. With phrases like “this is just how it has to be”. Don’t believe a word of it. Actions speak louder than words, and if they’re holding back on introductions, what are those actions telling you?
Meeting your partners parents or ‘future in-laws’ can make such a difference to your frame of mind regarding the relationship. There’s nothing worse than feeling like your someone’s ‘secret’ and they can throw you away when they’re done with you. Absolutely no stability there because, no one knows about you. Especially, the important people in his life. I feel like when you meet the ‘future in-laws’, it makes the relationship official to the most important people. And you’re on the right path for marriage, if that’s what you want, of course.
When should you meet them? I think a year is too long. In my experience, I waited 2 and a half years to meet both parents, I met his mother a few months prior to that. And I felt in the whole relationship it was too long. I kept having to mention it as it was upsetting and very perplexing to me. So much so I was just over it. The realisation of it not going to happen hit me, and I hardly mentioned it afterwards. I wanted him to meet some of my family at the beginning of the relationship, so he did. But the same wasn’t reciprocated. And I did feel insecure, disposable and like a secret until that meeting happened. Over 2 years is way too long, that’s over 700 days of wondering “wow, have I just wasted these years of my life feeling like I don’t exist and like the relationship is on his terms”. Sometimes, you have to learn lessons to realise what is on and what isn’t. And I felt extremely taken advantage of. I wouldn’t wish that never-ending waiting game on anybody, it almost drives you insane.
When it feels right, you should meet each others parents. Why not? Why is it a scary thing if you truly love the person? It gives you peace of mind, and protects your heart more, knowing you aren’t just imagining the relationship you have. Before 6 months, I think you both should’ve met each others parents.
What do you think? When’s the right time? What would you tolerate? Whats’s respectful? Comment Below!