Dating in 2022: Does Celibacy Before Marriage Still Exist?

The terminology, ‘celibacy’ is almost frowned upon today. “Why won’t you give out? I need to be able to try the goods before even contemplating anything more serious”, I’ve been told. What has happened to society?

Today, social media is one of the main obstacles many relationships can’t successfully get past. It’s pretty clear the reason why.

Fundamentally, social media can be used for many different reasons. But the purpose leads back to only one thing, communication. And when humans communicate, it’s only natural for these sites to become a breeding ground for casual dating or even window shopping, without you even intentionally realising.

I decided celibacy was right for me a few years ago. Not specifically for religious reasons, but I just couldn’t put myself through the emotional trauma. The feeling of not being fully content or even fully trusting the person. And in 2022, can you really ever trust someone if you’re unmarried?

I respect people that can do it. Almost have the on/off switch. But for myself, being on that level on intimacy with someone, I don’t have that switch. I’ve essentially given you my heart, and opened myself so much to the extent, I’ve left nothing guarded or protected. And my mind goes into overdrive.

What are words? What are promises? Intercourse isn’t a promise, if anything I’m playing with fire and risking a life changing prospect of pregnancy. The pregnancy falls on my shoulders, I’d be carrying the baby, not the partner who claims to love you so much, but on the other hand is clear in his actions he’s not ready for marriage.

Oh but he’s ready to test the baby making machine?!…

You know the expression.

Now, what makes you not at that the stage of commitment for marriage? Because many are at the stage of cohabiting, but marriage is that step too far. Simply a promise they can’t commit to at this moment of time. That’s fine, everyone has a choice in life, but that then leaves the partner who let’s say is ready for that emotional fulfilment, at almost a cross road. Either she turns right and agree’s to life as your partner want’s it at this moment of time, or you turn left, essentially walking away.

I have first hand experience, that in this day and age, not many people have the confidence in themselves to know what they want and not settle for less. They’re afraid of the prospect of losing the partner they’re emotionally, mentally and physically attached to, so they play life by ear.

That was a firm choice I had to make. Either move in with an individual, or respect myself and choices and stay put on what I want for myself.

I didn’t settle, and here I am today.

Single. And would I have changed that, just to make the duration of a relationship longer?

NO!

I see many relationships around me cohabiting for many years, even decades. If that works for them, that’s wonderful. But the danger with that, is that when you’re in your 30’s or later, a woman’s biological clock is ticking, if they ideally want to produce a child. They now have either two choices, but at that age it’s usually too late in the game. They either get married as a final ‘hoorah’, or they separate. But the likelihood of you walking away at that late stage is rare, as you then know, if you potentially want children, you’d have to rush around to find the ‘one’. And let’s face it, that’s difficult to find at anytime in life never mind when there’s a mental and physical countdown ticking down as we speak.

And many still prefer to know the person they’re having a child from rather than just go to the sperm bank.

I fully understand even marriages fail. But you still make vows, even sign a legal binding contract. You’ve cemented your love for one another, in sickness and in health. You can’t get much more contentment than the action of marriage. But as we all know, you can just as easily divorce!

As I’m maturing, I’m realising no-one owns me. Or has a right to my body. And no-one should make you feel that way. You get a sense of strength and fulfilment from not lowering your standards or conforming to.

I can’t recommend celibacy enough, even if you’re in an active relationship, as it gives you a birds eye view of everything and gives you space and time emotionally to know what you want. And you may even find yourself having an epiphany and realise, this partnership isn’t how I thought it was now that I’ve removed the rose-tinted glasses. The endorphines and oxytocin can do one!

The right person will honour, and respect your celibacy. You should never be pressured into anything, especially something as meaningful, passionate and intimate as intercourse unless, that’s what YOU want!

The dating game can feel sewn up, but just remember, no one else can complete the finishing knot but you.

Joey Tribbiani – Friends

You’re in control of your own destiny!

What do you think? Or if you had your time again, would you have changed anything? Do you think dating now is better than ever? Or is it more of a struggle to find exactly what you’re looking for? What do you think of celibacy?

Comment below!

14 thoughts on “Dating in 2022: Does Celibacy Before Marriage Still Exist?

  1. Trying the goods out is bullshit! That has nothing to do with genuine beautiful love which should grow like a beautiful flower between the two hearts, over time. Trying stuff out is all about lust and sex or just being animal instinct creatures and that to me is totally selling out to a cheap facsimile, a divorce looking for a place to happen, not a lifelong caring relationship that God wants for us! People that talk about “trying out” or looking at the other person in those “physical attribute ways” are not capable of genuine love, and should be avoided when thinking about a “lifelong marriage,” because they don’t think in terms of “commitment” anyway! Very selfish persons are like that!

    “Stupid is as stupid does,” and I say “birds of a feather do flock together,” so “to each his own!” I wouldn’t get caught dead with a woman who has those negative thinking and heartless characteristics!
    Peace.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I couldn’t have put it better if I tried! You’re so right. If you’re looking for true love, intimacy in that department shouldn’t be an issue until marriage. It’s only an issue if you have no intention to marry the person. And unfortunately, that’s exactly the problem we have today. I respect your body, so why won’t you respect mine? There are many different ways to care for someone or show affection.

      Thankyouu so much for such an enlightening comment!🤗

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes you could say it better Antonia; because you just did in my eyes! That is very beautiful what you said here and I swear it’s absolutely refreshing to have such of good woman as you with moral integrity and virtue speak about what really matters in a love relationship so sincerely, with genuine total honesty! This is an excellent and important posting you wrote here, and it goes a long way in showing that there are people who still see things the right way and care about the things that matter the most in life; no matter how crazed or promiscuous the world has gotten! After all, it is a short life here on earth relatively speaking, so who actually has time to throw away doing things the wrong way, which creates major difficulties that some people carry the rest of their lives! It’s all so important, a very serious matter which must be taken seriously, with total respect and appreciation of one another; that is what genuine forever love is all about!

        Thank you for this good sign, and funny how when I just turned on the television before reading your comment there was an old show from the 50’s that had just started, an episode that was about the Old West Frontier Days with this man and woman who met and were so sure of each other that they wanted to get married which they did, then immediately went on to have a baby while the man having traveled from Europe to become a farmer and grow vegetables to sell to the nearby town! I thought isn’t that beautiful how they made a good life that way and loved each other so much, I was thinking how tough those times were to survive but people kept it simple and honest making a good life together; then I see your comment is so good, which to me it makes sense as a confirmation of this truth we are speaking to in our writing. Amen.

        Thank you so much for such an enlightening article, with now this very nice comment of yours! 🙏❤🌹🌈🌞🤗 🙏

        Like

  2. My first thought when reading his question was to tell him to take his goods and buzz off, only more strongly😂. Anyone who says something like that must work for Matt Gaetz. Run, run away!

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hahaha definitely! I couldn’t believe the audacity. And I’ve heard this numerous times, almost like I’m disappointing them or being too ‘delicate’. No, it’s my body, my rules!
      Just because society has made sex the norm, doesn’t mean I have to conform to it!
      This generation, eh?

      Liked by 2 people

  3. I definitely see where you are coming from. I didn’t lose my virginity until I was 21 and felt like I was the only one who was still a Virgin. That being said, I didn’t date at all and felt like I wasn’t worthy of love. It got to a point where I wanted to see if I could. I did it as an experiment to see if someone would date me and I learned it’s not hard to find a partner. I also learned that it’s better to be patient and wait to find the right partner than to jump from relationship to relationship.

    My husband and I both strongly believe in marriage and long-term relationships. We’ve been together for 9 years and married for 6 years. It’s okay to be picky and know what you want in a relationship. It’s okay to wait. My takeaway is that, “You are worthy. Sex does not change that.”

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I hear you! I almost felt pressured into losing my virginity as you’re perceived as not ‘normal’ or even as a negative!

      100%. You could be in a relationship and move in with someone at any point. It’s very easy to do. Too easy maybe?
      It’s when you have boundaries and personal values for yourself that you’re not willing to ‘compromise’ on, that’s when it gets trickier.
      But I’ve learnt that if a partner is truly for you, they’ll understand and respect your beliefs. Not attempt to almost change your mindset.
      There are few, but they exist. And until that organically happens, I’ll never conform to standards the media condition you to believe that sex is just sex.

      Yes it can be for some, and for those people that’s great! But scientifically, it’s almost impossible to disconnect your feelings when you’re on that level of intimacy.
      Why put yourself through the addition emotional trauma and the prospect of becoming pregnant just for what? Fun?
      I respect people that can, but my mind never switches off.😂 I’ve realised a while ago, celibacy is the only avenue for me, especially in this generation!

      Wow, almost 10 years? Now that’s love.🥹 and you’re only just getting started!

      Thankyouu so much for sharing!🤗

      Liked by 1 person

  4. An interesting post. I would never ‘give in’ to having sex just to keep a man. That sort of situation is bound to end in disaster. I am fortunate though, as I am a very controlled person and I have always been able to make appropriate decisions about relationships, some of which I’ve ended. Many women are held captive by hormones and hope and it often ruins their lives, but not always. Some women don’t seem to mind not getting married and they have children anyway. Other, of course, end up bringing up their children alone.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It always ends in disaster you’re right. As down the line, you begin to almost resent the partner you’re with.
      Yes for sure, those scenarios are increasing more and more nowadays. I wonder if that’s by choice, or a sign of the times?
      It’s pretty difficult to find the one you definitely want to have children with in this day and age, and thankfully as science has progressed, there are more options if you decide to have a child via a different route.

      I also wonder how much of this is a governmental tactic, as they know the looser people are morally, the population will lessen, and more people will spend tens of thousands on IVF etc.
      Plus, the less marriages happen, the more tax they can change single people.
      We’ll never know!😂

      Thankyouu so much for sharing!!🤗

      Liked by 1 person

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