The terminology, ‘celibacy’ is almost frowned upon today. “Why won’t you give out? I need to be able to try the goods before even contemplating anything more serious”, I’ve been told. What has happened to society?
Today, social media is one of the main obstacles many relationships can’t successfully get past. It’s pretty clear the reason why.
Fundamentally, social media can be used for many different reasons. But the purpose leads back to only one thing, communication. And when humans communicate, it’s only natural for these sites to become a breeding ground for casual dating or even window shopping, without you even intentionally realising.
I decided celibacy was right for me a few years ago. Not specifically for religious reasons, but I just couldn’t put myself through the emotional trauma. The feeling of not being fully content or even fully trusting the person. And in 2022, can you really ever trust someone if you’re unmarried?
I respect people that can do it. Almost have the on/off switch. But for myself, being on that level on intimacy with someone, I don’t have that switch. I’ve essentially given you my heart, and opened myself so much to the extent, I’ve left nothing guarded or protected. And my mind goes into overdrive.
What are words? What are promises? Intercourse isn’t a promise, if anything I’m playing with fire and risking a life changing prospect of pregnancy. The pregnancy falls on my shoulders, I’d be carrying the baby, not the partner who claims to love you so much, but on the other hand is clear in his actions he’s not ready for marriage.
Oh but he’s ready to test the baby making machine?!…
Now, what makes you not at that the stage of commitment for marriage? Because many are at the stage of cohabiting, but marriage is that step too far. Simply a promise they can’t commit to at this moment of time. That’s fine, everyone has a choice in life, but that then leaves the partner who let’s say is ready for that emotional fulfilment, at almost a cross road. Either she turns right and agree’s to life as your partner want’s it at this moment of time, or you turn left, essentially walking away.
I have first hand experience, that in this day and age, not many people have the confidence in themselves to know what they want and not settle for less. They’re afraid of the prospect of losing the partner they’re emotionally, mentally and physically attached to, so they play life by ear.
That was a firm choice I had to make. Either move in with an individual, or respect myself and choices and stay put on what I want for myself.
I didn’t settle, and here I am today.
Single. And would I have changed that, just to make the duration of a relationship longer?
I see many relationships around me cohabiting for many years, even decades. If that works for them, that’s wonderful. But the danger with that, is that when you’re in your 30’s or later, a woman’s biological clock is ticking, if they ideally want to produce a child. They now have either two choices, but at that age it’s usually too late in the game. They either get married as a final ‘hoorah’, or they separate. But the likelihood of you walking away at that late stage is rare, as you then know, if you potentially want children, you’d have to rush around to find the ‘one’. And let’s face it, that’s difficult to find at anytime in life never mind when there’s a mental and physical countdown ticking down as we speak.
And many still prefer to know the person they’re having a child from rather than just go to the sperm bank.
I fully understand even marriages fail. But you still make vows, even sign a legal binding contract. You’ve cemented your love for one another, in sickness and in health. You can’t get much more contentment than the action of marriage. But as we all know, you can just as easily divorce!
As I’m maturing, I’m realising no-one owns me. Or has a right to my body. And no-one should make you feel that way. You get a sense of strength and fulfilment from not lowering your standards or conforming to.
I can’t recommend celibacy enough, even if you’re in an active relationship, as it gives you a birds eye view of everything and gives you space and time emotionally to know what you want. And you may even find yourself having an epiphany and realise, this partnership isn’t how I thought it was now that I’ve removed the rose-tinted glasses. The endorphines and oxytocin can do one!
The right person will honour, and respect your celibacy. You should never be pressured into anything, especially something as meaningful, passionate and intimate as intercourse unless, that’s what YOU want!
The dating game can feel sewn up, but just remember, no one else can complete the finishing knot but you.
You’re in control of your own destiny!
What do you think? Or if you had your time again, would you have changed anything? Do you think dating now is better than ever? Or is it more of a struggle to find exactly what you’re looking for? What do you think of celibacy?