The terminology, ‘celibacy’ is almost frowned upon today. “Why won’t you give out? I need to be able to try the goods before even contemplating anything more serious”, I’ve been told. What has happened to society?
Today, social media is one of the main obstacles many relationships can’t successfully get past. It’s pretty clear the reason why.
Fundamentally, social media can be used for many different reasons. But the purpose leads back to only one thing, communication. And when humans communicate, it’s only natural for these sites to become a breeding ground for casual dating or even window shopping, without you even intentionally realising.
I decided celibacy was right for me a few years ago. Not specifically for religious reasons, but I just couldn’t put myself through the emotional trauma. The feeling of not being fully content or even fully trusting the person. And in 2022, can you really ever trust someone if you’re unmarried?
I respect people that can do it. Almost have the on/off switch. But for myself, being on that level on intimacy with someone, I don’t have that switch. I’ve essentially given you my heart, and opened myself so much to the extent, I’ve left nothing guarded or protected. And my mind goes into overdrive.
What are words? What are promises? Intercourse isn’t a promise, if anything I’m playing with fire and risking a life changing prospect of pregnancy. The pregnancy falls on my shoulders, I’d be carrying the baby, not the partner who claims to love you so much, but on the other hand is clear in his actions he’s not ready for marriage.
Oh but he’s ready to test the baby making machine?!…
Now, what makes you not at the stage of commitment for marriage? Because many are at the stage of cohabiting, but marriage is that step too far. Simply a promise they can’t commit to at this moment of time. That’s fine, everyone has a choice in life, but that then leaves the partner who let’s say is ready for that emotional fulfilment, at almost a cross road. Either she turns right and agrees to life as your partner wants it at this moment of time, or you turn left, essentially walking away.
I have first hand experience, that in this day and age, not many people have the confidence in themselves to know what they want and not settle for less. They’re afraid of the prospect of losing the partner they’re emotionally, mentally and physically attached to, so they play life by ear.
That was a firm choice I had to make. Either move in with an individual, or respect myself and choices and stay put on what I want for myself.
I didn’t settle, and here I am today.
Single. And would I have changed that, just to make the duration of a relationship longer?
NO!
I see many relationships around me cohabiting for many years, even decades. If that works for them, that’s wonderful. But the danger with that, is that when you’re in your 30’s or later, a woman’s biological clock is ticking, if they ideally want to produce a child. They now have either two choices, but at that age it’s usually too late in the game. They either get married as a final ‘hoorah’, or they separate. But the likelihood of you walking away at that late stage is rare, as you then know, if you potentially want children, you’d have to rush around to find the ‘one’. And let’s face it, that’s difficult to find at anytime in life never mind when there’s a mental and physical countdown ticking down as we speak.
And many still prefer to know the person they’re having a child from rather than just go to the sperm bank.
I fully understand even marriages fail. But you still make vows, even sign a legal binding contract. You’ve cemented your love for one another, in sickness and in health. You can’t get much more contentment than the action of marriage. But as we all know, you can just as easily divorce!
As I’m maturing, I’m realising no-one owns me. Or has a right to my body. And no-one should make you feel that way. You get a sense of strength and fulfilment from not lowering your standards or conforming to.
I can’t recommend celibacy enough, even if you’re in an active relationship, as it gives you a birds eye view of everything; giving you the space time emotionally to know what you want. And you may even find yourself having an epiphany and realise, this partnership isn’t how I thought it was now that I’ve removed the rose-tinted glasses. The endorphines and oxytocin can do one!
The right person will honour, and respect your celibacy. You should never be pressured into anything, especially something as meaningful, passionate and intimate as intercourse unless, that’s what YOU want!
The dating game can feel sewn up, but just remember, no one else can complete the finishing knot but you.
You’re in control of your own destiny!
What do you think? Or if you had your time again, would you have changed anything? Do you think dating now is better than ever? Or is it more of a struggle to find exactly what you’re looking for? What do you think of celibacy?
Comment below!
Beauty File 
Trying the goods out is bullshit! That has nothing to do with genuine beautiful love which should grow like a beautiful flower between the two hearts, over time. Trying stuff out is all about lust and sex or just being animal instinct creatures and that to me is totally selling out to a cheap facsimile, a divorce looking for a place to happen, not a lifelong caring relationship that God wants for us! People that talk about “trying out” or looking at the other person in those “physical attribute ways” are not capable of genuine love, and should be avoided when thinking about a “lifelong marriage,” because they don’t think in terms of “commitment” anyway! Very selfish persons are like that!
“Stupid is as stupid does,” and I say “birds of a feather do flock together,” so “to each his own!” I wouldn’t get caught dead with a woman who has those negative thinking and heartless characteristics!
Peace.
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I couldn’t have put it better if I tried! You’re so right. If you’re looking for true love, intimacy in that department shouldn’t be an issue until marriage. It’s only an issue if you have no intention to marry the person. And unfortunately, that’s exactly the problem we have today. I respect your body, so why won’t you respect mine? There are many different ways to care for someone or show affection.
Thankyouu so much for such an enlightening comment!🤗
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Yes you could say it better Antonia; because you just did in my eyes! That is very beautiful what you said here and I swear it’s absolutely refreshing to have such of good woman as you with moral integrity and virtue speak about what really matters in a love relationship so sincerely, with genuine total honesty! This is an excellent and important posting you wrote here, and it goes a long way in showing that there are people who still see things the right way and care about the things that matter the most in life; no matter how crazed or promiscuous the world has gotten! After all, it is a short life here on earth relatively speaking, so who actually has time to throw away doing things the wrong way, which creates major difficulties that some people carry the rest of their lives! It’s all so important, a very serious matter which must be taken seriously, with total respect and appreciation of one another; that is what genuine forever love is all about!
Thank you for this good sign, and funny how when I just turned on the television before reading your comment there was an old show from the 50’s that had just started, an episode that was about the Old West Frontier Days with this man and woman who met and were so sure of each other that they wanted to get married which they did, then immediately went on to have a baby while the man having traveled from Europe to become a farmer and grow vegetables to sell to the nearby town! I thought isn’t that beautiful how they made a good life that way and loved each other so much, I was thinking how tough those times were to survive but people kept it simple and honest making a good life together; then I see your comment is so good, which to me it makes sense as a confirmation of this truth we are speaking to in our writing. Amen.
Thank you so much for such an enlightening article, with now this very nice comment of yours! 🙏❤🌹🌈🌞🤗 🙏
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Aw thankyouu so much for your kindness!
So sorry for the late reply, what you’ve said has made me smile as I think you can be misjudged for simply choosing to lead life the way you want and maybe that doesn’t fit society’s expectations which is perfectly fine, but I’m unsure as to why some feel the need to attempt to make you feel abnormal or not worthy? It shouldn’t harm anyone how one chooses to live, surely.
You’ve made my day and I hope you’re having a wonderful December and that you and your loved ones are well😊
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Hey you’re welcome and the delayed reply to my comment is actually cool! I think this hasn’t happened before so it got to me in a good way even making me smile with a bit of laughter too! But very happy laughter along with it being right at about Christmas having a rather special significance, wouldn’t you say!!
So look at that we both are smiling and at the same time over the writing in this blog posting of yours written back in May! 😊😊 That’s interesting to me like some special message that was tucked away for a special future moment. So this all goes to the point of what you said about not being made out to be “abnormal or not worthy because one doesn’t fit in a societal mold or certain people’s expectation.” Because as I see it storing or saving some things, especially one’s self, is a noble and virtuous thing to do! As is stowing something precious away for safe keeping and a proper time, is wise and a good thing, giving it more intrinsic and innate value through time which will add to the appreciation! Maybe like the idea of how they say someone ages like a fine wine. Adding to this a family that lives nearby had just informed me a few weeks ago that their cat went missing back in May and I told them I didn’t know that, but actually I had seen a cat near my home a few times toward evening around some of the shrubs and I offered to capture her with a “havahart” cage which I did within a few hours of “setting” it one evening! They just called me the other day to tell me how they are all so happy for Christmas now; having her back.
Well Antonia what you just said proves this out clearly as a very delayed joy and happiness came from our interaction of words over time quite unexpectedly by both of us; like a special Christmas gift! And the timing is so beautiful in and of itself; especially because I’ve been mostly inactive on this blog site “setting” some other priorities for now. And so adding to this how last evening I was shopping at the grocery market just before dinnertime and in one aisle I came upon a good man with his beautiful infant boy who was sitting happily in the shopping cart while he kept staring at me and smiling; to me like a Cherub! I told the man what a beautiful baby boy you have and the gentleman smiled as well and was very thankful as all three of us were very happily smiling, and then a big conversation ensued, as he thanked me for the compliment and asked; “you have some babies of your own too,” which I had to say no all of my sisters do but I never married and it looks like I’m really more of a confirmed bachelor now.
Turned out the man had recently moved to America from France with his wife and three young children. Because I had visited France and some of Northern Europe basically England, Germany, Denmark and Holland; I then began explaining what I had enjoyed about France.
This meeting and conversation was very unique not being typical at all, so we both felt and agreed it was a very special surprise for Christmas, and now this response of yours popped up today to add to that special dimension of depth and character which I think is a lot of what we are talking about here. This is how important it truly is for human beings to develop character based on the most precious things! Like that beautiful baby I met with his daddy; how virtue, honor and integrity are vitally important if a person wants to live, an honest to goodness life, that we are meant to live! That innocent baby needs to be protected and gradually taught of the things that are vitally important and to safeguard them; but this should continue through life!
I really hope all the same for you and that your personal along with family life are quite happy and healthy in all regards!
God bless.
Merry Christmas! 😊😊
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My first thought when reading his question was to tell him to take his goods and buzz off, only more strongly😂. Anyone who says something like that must work for Matt Gaetz. Run, run away!
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Hahaha definitely! I couldn’t believe the audacity. And I’ve heard this numerous times, almost like I’m disappointing them or being too ‘delicate’. No, it’s my body, my rules!
Just because society has made sex the norm, doesn’t mean I have to conform to it!
This generation, eh?
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All generations really. Some men use the term”I have urges” to justify their actions🙄🤨
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I definitely see where you are coming from. I didn’t lose my virginity until I was 21 and felt like I was the only one who was still a Virgin. That being said, I didn’t date at all and felt like I wasn’t worthy of love. It got to a point where I wanted to see if I could. I did it as an experiment to see if someone would date me and I learned it’s not hard to find a partner. I also learned that it’s better to be patient and wait to find the right partner than to jump from relationship to relationship.
My husband and I both strongly believe in marriage and long-term relationships. We’ve been together for 9 years and married for 6 years. It’s okay to be picky and know what you want in a relationship. It’s okay to wait. My takeaway is that, “You are worthy. Sex does not change that.”
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I hear you! I almost felt pressured into losing my virginity as you’re perceived as not ‘normal’ or even as a negative!
100%. You could be in a relationship and move in with someone at any point. It’s very easy to do. Too easy maybe?
It’s when you have boundaries and personal values for yourself that you’re not willing to ‘compromise’ on, that’s when it gets trickier.
But I’ve learnt that if a partner is truly for you, they’ll understand and respect your beliefs. Not attempt to almost change your mindset.
There are few, but they exist. And until that organically happens, I’ll never conform to standards the media condition you to believe that sex is just sex.
Yes it can be for some, and for those people that’s great! But scientifically, it’s almost impossible to disconnect your feelings when you’re on that level of intimacy.
Why put yourself through the addition emotional trauma and the prospect of becoming pregnant just for what? Fun?
I respect people that can, but my mind never switches off.😂 I’ve realised a while ago, celibacy is the only avenue for me, especially in this generation!
Wow, almost 10 years? Now that’s love.🥹 and you’re only just getting started!
Thankyouu so much for sharing!🤗
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Reblogged this on NEW BLOG HERE >> https:/BOOKS.ESLARN-NET.DE.
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Thankyouu so much!!🤗
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HI, I read and reread your post.You have to make the best choices for you, and it’s no one’s right to tell you what those are. What I am doing is raising some point to consider.
1. Whether or not to have sex, with whom and whether or not to become a parent are personal decisions. There’s no rule that should be applied to everyone. Each person has different needs and wants, and there’s nothing wrong with that. In fact, as our environment changes, chemicals that we eat and breathe change our body chemistry and that in turn affects whom we desire. (If you believe in God as the creator of all things, then He created diversity. Our attempt to channel people into uniform behavior actually goes against the Plan.)
2. Does being chaste make you a better or worse person? Probably neither. If that’s what you want, go for it.
3. Is there anything magical about marriage? Actually no. The institution was designed to manage the ownership of property, which sometimes was defined to include women. Today, is some parts of the US, “Marriage is what rich white people do.” A large percentage of marriages are terminated because the partners didn’t know what they wanted or needed before making the commitment. Does living together first make a marriage more successful? The jury’s still out on that. Self-knowledge is crucial, but most parents can’t teach what they don’t know. That’s what keeps therapists in business.
4. Marriage doesn’t enable you to trust someone. It’s the other way around. Trust is essential for a successful marriage, and if you don’t have it at the start, it’s unlikely to appear.
5. I thought the “biological clock” was an obsolete concept. Women are having children in their late 30s and 40s, quite safely. Some are having children without male partners. However, some women and men are opting to be permanently childless, giving up that option in favor of careers or other life choices. That’s why the population of Japan is shrinking, and the US is likely to do so in the very near future. It’s also changing the composition of the US population, as Asians and Hispanics have much higher fertility rates than do whites and blacks. By mid-century, according to Census forecasts, there will be no majority group in the US. We will be a nation of minorities.
6. However, bluntly, I would never ask you for a date, apart from the fact that I’m married and totally loyal to my partner, too old for you, and dislike casual sex. My preference through life has always been for people who are experienced. Relationships are partnerships, not teachable moments, and it’s much easier and more enjoyable to give pleasure to someone who can express what they like and want. Conversely, ignorance is a recipe for disappointment. Good sex by itself is insufficient for a successful marriage, however it is hard for a marriage to survive once the sexual component breaks. One partner or the other will step outside to get what they’re missing, causing the house to burn.
7. Risk is inherent in life. You can take risks and get burnt. You can play it totally safe and get burnt. Every decision is a trade-off of risk and rewards. No one has a crystal ball providing insight into the future. I don’t know if I’m going to wake up tomorrow morning, and frankly neither do you. If your life were to end abruptly, what would you most regret?
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Thankyou so much for reading this! Hope you enjoyed it and so sorry for the late reply, I’ve only just seen this accidentally in my spam folder.
Of course, but if someone’s happy being celibate, it’s no ones right to make someone feel like they must show it in a sexual way. Especially if they’re celibate until marriage, as then you’re ignoring what they want and wish for themselves and only thinking of your own pleasures.
Being celibate doesn’t make you a better or worse person, it makes you, you. And if you feel it’s right for you, it’s better as that’s what you feel is your calling in life. The same president is set when someone is sexually active also, if that’s what makes them happy, it’s better for them.
I’d need to know where this quote came from about “Marriage is what rich white people do”, as I can’t refer to something which hasn’t been specifically stated in response to what you stated.
In my opinion marriage is a commitment unlike anything else. It’s meant to be a lifelong vow between you and your life partner.
What I find interesting is that you claim there’s nothing magical about marriage, then later on you state, I’ll locate the quote “I’m married and totally loyal to my partner,”….
Marriage cements the trust. It’s the icing on top of your cake entirely made of trust.
Some women are having children safely in their 30s and 40’s, and unfortunately some aren’t. My mother had me aged 40, she was referred to a separate department specialised in older pregnancies as they can have more risks. I know from first hand experience that I have many more health issues from a very early age, than any of my siblings and I was her last pregnancy. So I’d do dispute that claim.
Opting to be childless is also fine for both genders. It’s a choice one makes in life.
Can I correct you when you categorised “whites” and “blacks” in the same sentence as “Asians” and “Hispanics”. Unfortunately “whites” and “blacks” aren’t nationalities.
I can’t answer something that is categorically incorrect.
Thank you for clarifying that you wouldn’t ask to date me, I’m not sure how the conversation is concluding at such a peculiar point? Correct me if I’m wrong, but I made no suggestion that I wished for a male to explain why he was ‘unavailable’.
“Casual sex” and “good sex”, excuse me?
Ignorance is a recipe for disaster, so you may be disappointed I cannot say.
Kind regards,
Antonia
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I’d like to mention here that sometimes people will speak like there is “no moral high ground” in such vitally important matters in this world, and that is why there is so much immorality and misery that’s only getting worse, and I guarantee that’s a recipe for complete failure and disaster on so many fronts! The mention of “what someone isn’t getting in their marriage means that person will just go find it outside the marriage” is ludicrous! Yes a person with low morality and lack of actual love for the person that they said they would “love until death do us part,” which in that case we speak of, would have had to have been a lie! Because as I see it if I love that woman; even if she became a complete cripple and couldn’t do a thing I would still love her and center my life around her and our relationship based on genuine committed love! I wouldn’t look at her as some failure of the marriage, like some disposable item because she became an invalid and go find some sexual thrills somewhere! That would be a betrayal and a cheap rotten thing to do; absolutely abhorrent behavior and I would become a rotten scoundrel doing so; sex is not what marriage or actually true loving relationships should be about anyway, or have any basis of one being a good one! That is modern day trash thinking or based on the “crooked ways of the world!”
Mark 10:8-9 “and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh. 9Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”
That still works for me, as I see the world off the rails these days we are in with the way people are living and behaving when it comes to relationships, marriage and commitment; most are cheapening it all, so what can we expect from that, but a disastrous failure and people with miserable attitudes; just behaving like many politicians do, as pathological liars!
People tend to get attitudes and think they are so sure of themselves when they certainly are not and haven’t actually gone to the true righteous source of omnipotent power and truth; which to me can only be God’s truth, and of course today there are multitudes who do not believe in God at all; go figure! Either people start out with that foundational premise and build a life of value with solid foundational principles that hold water standing the test of time and up to whatever challenges and hardships this short life dishes out; this is but a mere short term situation in Reality! So making the best of it is “vital” but too often some humans think they have it figured out all on their own with a mere human frail “not all knowing” self-appointed God mindset delusionally being their own god; which is not going to work for anyone on earth, not ever.
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An interesting post. I would never ‘give in’ to having sex just to keep a man. That sort of situation is bound to end in disaster. I am fortunate though, as I am a very controlled person and I have always been able to make appropriate decisions about relationships, some of which I’ve ended. Many women are held captive by hormones and hope and it often ruins their lives, but not always. Some women don’t seem to mind not getting married and they have children anyway. Other, of course, end up bringing up their children alone.
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It always ends in disaster you’re right. As down the line, you begin to almost resent the partner you’re with.
Yes for sure, those scenarios are increasing more and more nowadays. I wonder if that’s by choice, or a sign of the times?
It’s pretty difficult to find the one you definitely want to have children with in this day and age, and thankfully as science has progressed, there are more options if you decide to have a child via a different route.
I also wonder how much of this is a governmental tactic, as they know the looser people are morally, the population will lessen, and more people will spend tens of thousands on IVF etc.
Plus, the less marriages happen, the more tax they can change single people.
We’ll never know!😂
Thankyouu so much for sharing!!🤗
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You make a good point about government tactics.
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You made numerous great points! Thankyouu again😁
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“Where purpose is unknown, abuse is inevitable.” Sexual intimacy among humans was meant to be a beautiful ritual between a man and a woman which commemorates their commitment to be one in mind and spirit. That is why this preordained union is the only union capable of producing another human life. The unity of mind and spirit is what makes sexual intimacy rich, deeply satisfying, and fulfilling. Sharing the same values, mutual respect, appreciation, and trust, liberates the heart to open in a way that allows you to give joyfully and comfortably without fear and anxiety, elevating sexual experience to a level that casual sex practitioners can’t grasp. I wrote a piece about spiritual intimacy that I have been holding for the right moment to share. Antonia, I hope it blesses you and your readers. I admire your determination not to compromise what you know in your heart to be right and good. YAHWEH will draw you into His light from the inner sanctum of your heart, so never compromise that most holy place. It is where you commune with GOD. Your heart is the pure cup He makes to overflow, fulfilling you and then flowing out to others. As long as you seek GOD and allow Him to fill your heart, you will have the completeness you need to wait patiently for the right marital union.
“Reaching Spiritual Eroticism” by D.L. Fuller
“The spiritual equivalent of sex is deep and truthful knowing. So, spiritual eroticism can be understood as the deep exploration of one another’s soul in the peace, liberty, and safety of true love. Spiritual eroticism is finding extravagant ways to express love and enjoying the privileged invitation to explore the unique intricacies of the one you love. The emphasis here is on finding, seeking, and exploring ways to show deeper awareness and appreciation for the many treasures your lover possesses. This level of intimacy is impossible without being quickened by the Spirit of GOD, which means we have to first receive the perfect love which comes from GOD. The love of GOD provides the temperance, the meekness, the gentleness, the patience, the humility, and the selflessness it takes to inhabit this holy place. Therefore, neither the fearful, the prideful, nor the undisciplined can enter. It is a delightful dwelling for the spiritual mature. This is why it is called the “Secret Place,” because it is hidden beyond a desert which cannot be traversed by flesh alone.”
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Thankyouu so much for sharing such a descriptive insight! I couldn’t agree more. People make out like it’s just ‘casual’ and you should adhere to their philosophy, no questions asked. Those are the same people that expect you to take the contraceptive pill, purely for their sexual desires without a care in the world if you either opt not to for personal choice, or don’t agree with the concept.
In their world, that makes you selfish. What happened to having an opinion and choosing what’s right for you?
I’m about to explore your post that you quoted as it’s such an interesting, thought-provoking topic.
Thankyou for being so kind, D.L. Fuller!😊
Happy holidays!😃🙏
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Hi, Antonia. Your recent replies make it likely you’ll see this, despite the original post being several months old by now…
Your commitment to patience is admirable. Particularly so as society’s currents, especially those governing the seas in which we swim, sweep all (seemingly) in the opposite direction. What strength and independence you have, not letting the tide claim you.
Your determination doesn’t deny reality, it merely defers it until someone matches your patience and love. Obviously, certain impulses are common to us all; they’re why humanity didn’t go extinct millennia ago. Still, you nourish an equally powerful instinct, and the noblest of them too, that of enlightenment.
Anyway, I’m not going to repeat what you already have said ably. Besides, as you know, I do tend to go on and on. All the same, applause for your commitment, and for the intelligent and heart-stirring reason lighting it.
PS: I see you’re on IG too, as I’ve been since earlier this year. I’ll drop by and say “hello” (kengwer). Also, if we don’t talk within the next week or so, Merry Christmas!
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Wise and courageously counter-cultural words, Antonia!
Way to stick to your core commitments.
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