Should You Ever Get Back With An Ex ?

The majority of us without hesitation would say no. Utterly and completely, why would you? But the question is, why wouldn’t you?

Before even dating someone, we chat to our friends/family about cheating/bad experiences. We listen, and always say I’d never take them back if that happened to me. Especially when we’re young we think, one mistake and I’m out of there. But then when you start dating, fall in love, leaving your partner can seem like a very distant thought, or even impossible. Plus the possibility of them doing you wrong in any way, seems unimaginable. But then when your worst nightmares come true, what do you do?

We’re so hurt, processing “how could he/she do this to me”. But we’re still very much emotionally attached. We can’t switch our feelings off like a flick of a switch. The shock of it all is enough never mind anything else. Except how many of us go back? I know some people feel afraid of going into the unknown, and being single. The saying ‘better the devil you know’ frequently occurs in everyday life, especially relationships. The counter saying ‘a leopard never changes it’s spots’ is also very valid. But which is true?

I’ve always said I’d never take back a cheat or an ex, as they say ‘it’s an ex for a reason’ but the older I get, and the more I realise, reality isn’t always as easy and blissful as how I expected it to be, I think it really does depend on the situation. However, if you’re in an abusive or toxic relationship, never go back. They will never change, and your life is worth so much more than them treating you in disturbing, unspeakable ways. Once a man (or woman) lays a finger on you, they’re able to do anything. Back to the subject I’m on..

It sounds so easy just to say leave or don’t take him/her back, but the reality of it can be very different. Let’s say if you get married and build a family, ultimately in many marriages people heads may turn or more may happen. The question is would you leave the person who you built your life and children with, at the drop of a hat? Even if they did the worst? I think it’s a tough one. I’d like to think I would, but I guess once you have children and so on, life becomes very complex. It isn’t as easy as when you’re in your ‘prime years’ as they say. When someone does wrong, what really is there to stay for? Apart from your emotions telling you otherwise.

It’s a strange thing when you get married, even though it’s supposedly the happiest day of your life, it’s also the beginning of the rest of your life. You’re making vows such as “for better or for worse” and “till death do us part”. Such powerful promises to make. Of course saying those vows you don’t think about your partner doing you wrong, but you can’t speak for the future. Also, once you’re married, you can’t really get up and leave, if you do want to end the marriage, it’s a long drawn out legal process. Occasionally, leaving both husband and wife to get back together, and that’s one of the reasons they don’t allow you to legally end the marriage easily, as they want you to try and work things out. Divorce isn’t easy, and can be one of the hardest things you’ve ever done, and that can be the reason why some people won’t go through it even if they’re going through the ringer. The emotional turmoil isn’t appealing for many, and walking into the unknown, can be a scary thing. You question whether you’ll ever find someone again, and if you have children, its a whole different story. Would a guy accept me and them? Would my children like him? Would you want your children seeing another man as a possible father figure? But for some, being in a marriage you’re far from happy in, divorce can seem like a blessing in disguise.

I don’t think it’s an easy question to answer, but maybe it is for you? What do you think? Have you ever taken back an ex? What would you do in a situation? Comment below!

57 thoughts on “Should You Ever Get Back With An Ex ?

  1. I don’t think that getting back together after a separation or divorce is a good idea. The main reason is… things are not and never ever will be the same. This a say from my experience over the past 7 years. I had been separated for several months and then I thought for the sake of the children I should reconcile and took her back. There were too many things that I had accepted as not acceptable to me anymore about her behavior and mind set, and being separated didn’t create the change I was looking for in her. So inevitably here I am six years older and six more years of my life that were not satisfying. Now I look back and say again to my self, what could I have done in those years that I won’t have time for any longer. If you are younger and not engaged or married and just dating then break up and later can learn to accept those things that created the issue or the bad behavior has been corrected, then yes you could possibly get back with an Ex-. But why then did you feel the need to breakup in the first place? My experience tells me that behavior changes only last long enough to make one feel comfortable again then revert back to old habits. Lasting change is very hard to achieve without first having an epiphany of needing to change within yourself. If the ex- can come to that realization and can demonstrate that real change has occurred you might be able to start over. The exception would be and will always be to me the abuser and alcoholic. Those are ticking time bombs just waiting for the right amount of stress to trigger them again. Sorry I got long winded on this one, but my passion runs very deep with this subject. Great write up on your behalf!

    Liked by 9 people

    1. I agree. They’re an ex for a reason so taking them back usually doesn’t work out very well. You definitely have much more experience than myself so your words are coming from your knowledge of the situations that you were in. I think it’s very hard for someone to change completely, as many times certain behavioural traits will return. Usually people are born with certain traits so it’s virtually impossible to escape what is (in so many words) you. Unless you seek professional help and even then, few people completely change as a person.
      Thankyouu for your words of wisdom, such an insightful comment that really makes you think if change can truly happen😊

      Like

  2. Fortunately, we can divorce !

    – Oh, you look awesome, my dear aunt ! What’s your secret ? Have you been visiting a plastic surgeon, lately, or is it because of the Spring ?

    – No, i divorced your uncle.

    – Oh, you look awesome. Wonderful move !

    Liked by 4 people

  3. Don’t know that I could have a rule that is either yes or no. Could depend on a lot of things and some of those could be in a state of flux if something were really happening between me and her. Even the timing could be subject to constant temporary change in such a situation. Some people are simply different.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. You’re right, there’s many factors that comes into taking back an ex or not. It’s hard to completely rule something or someone out.
      Thankyouu so much for reading and commenting😊

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I don’t know much about any of it really, and that is on a good day 🙃😝 Love probably changes daily, just as it is also set in stone.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. I like what you said about never going back to an abusive or toxic relationship. That’s very good advice. I have never taken an ex back, but then I’ve never had an ex want me to take them back. Plus, I was only the “dumper” once. I really didn’t date too many guys before I met Andrew, and thankfully divorce isn’t even in our vocabulary. We are in it for the long haul. For better or worse…in sickness and health, till death do us part. I totally believe it can be done. I also believe that people can forgive one another. From a Christian perspective, this is what God wants: faithfulness.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. How interesting! At least you’ve met and married your knight in shining armour, so this won’t apply to you, thankfully!😃 Thankyouu so much for liking what I said and enjoying this post!😊

      Liked by 1 person

  5. But is a tricky question.
    As a woman in my thirties I would say your ex is your ex for a reason, if that reason has been fixed or isn’t a problem any longer than go for it. But, if the reason you broke up is a still a active problem then don’t put yourself through that trouble again.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. You’re so right I couldn’t agree more. And even if that issue isn’t an active issue right now, it could be down the line if you get back with them.
      Thankyouu for reading and commenting! 😊

      Liked by 1 person

  6. It depends on the reason of your breakup, if you broke up of of liar’s which were intentional or maybe cheating then why go back because the same would happen again but if you broke up because of maybe misunderstanding and you both still have mutual feels then you can try again 💑

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Lots of well-reasoned thoughts pro and con, Antonia, but do they matter?

    When the heart and the mind start circling each other, we know who’s going to win. Resolve melts when it approaches the heart. For better or for worse.

    Regardless of experience, sometimes bitter, our inner romantic insists, “This time will be different.” We’re stupid that way, but oh so alive. Plus, every once in a while, the heart is right!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. You’re right. Once we think about something or taking someone back too much, we probably will end up taking them back! Our mind is trying to tell us all the reasons why we shouldn’t take them back whilst our heart is just drawing us closer to the ex.
      Thankyouu so much for your great insight!

      Liked by 1 person

  8. My answer is simple …… and it guides me in my select core ……. my closest of friends and relationships in general …….. I assess …..Do I expand and become the best version of me in their presence? ……. or do I degrade into the uncharacteristic worse version instead …… the answer determines my choice of friends to pursue further or those I lead out the door of my heart. 🚪❤️😊

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Thanks so much Antonia 😊💕 Life is such a beautiful gift of love and choice ….. may our hearts and heads help us make the best love and life choices for us! 💕💕💕💕💕

        Liked by 1 person

  9. It’s part of letting ourselves and others learn a situation. Of course, toxic or abusive is one you’d never want to return to unless you can confirm someone has truly changed. A cheater once does not always mean a cheater forever. How can we expect to provide second chances if we don’t allow others or ourselves to learn lessons and grow from them. I really liked this post!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. You’ve made some valid points! Life is complex and talking hypothetically, can be vastly different from what we actually do when difficult situations arise. I’m so glad that you enjoyed this post! Thankyouu for reading an commenting!😊 such an interesting insight!😃

      Liked by 2 people

  10. Hello, Antonia,
    Every situation is different, though similar. Every person you go out with is a potential life partner, but every one is also a potential ex. As you go through life you find more potential exes than life partners. It is all part of a learning process, and the more you try the more you learn your own limits. What do you want, what are you willing to put up with, where do you draw the line? Only you know, or will come to know.
    I think the thing to remember at all times is we all change as we age. If two people change in similar ways, the relationship will probably last. But if one changes faster than the other, or if you change in different directions, the relationship either will not last, or one person will lose their joy, and change it for resentment.
    We are not born to suffer, though many think so. Contentment is the least acceptable feeling, happiness is great, and joy is forever. Anything less than contentment is not worth enduring. That isn’t love, that is obsession, or even addiction. Those feelings present so similar one must be aware of the differences, and be completely honest with themselves to know which is which.
    I myself have experienced all three, love, obsession, and addiction, only I didn’t really know them as such at the time. I have had many ex-girlfriends, one ex-wife, and a few ex-common-law spouses. I have had women cheat on me, women who berated me, those who tried their hardest to change me. I am now living common-law with a woman whom I love, but I am not “in love” with. I know it sounds cold, but we are more friends than lovers. This relationship has survived close to 20 years. We respect each other, live with each other’s faults, and enjoy our commonalities. We are happy. This might not be the best relationship I was ever in, but it is the most satisfying. Hopefully it will last till death do us part…
    I am not easy to live with, but I try to have honour. I know I have made mistakes, but I try to learn from them.
    I know not to expect more than a person is willing to give. THAT is one of the most important things I have ever learned.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow, such a fascinating insight. I completely get what you’re saying. We learn from many experiences. It’s wonderful to hear that you’re happy and content. You have so much life experience, it’s very interesting to hear what you’ve been through to get to where you are today. This is truly an eye opener and makes you realise that life is in some way, a rollercoaster. Thankyouu for reading and commenting!😊

      Like

  11. The thing about this is the thought of “you got taken for a dickhead before” that will just linger in my mind. It doesn’t matter how much I feel for them, that alone would just cancel everything. I mean everyone can change, but I rather you change somewhere far away from me

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I agree! I have the same mindset and view. Why make the same mistake twice? And there’s probably someone out there whose more suited to you anyway.
      Thankyouu so much for reading and commenting! Such a great insight😊

      Liked by 1 person

  12. Personnaly, I don’t think it would be good idea.

    What are the chances your second marriage will end in separation or divorce?

    Second marriages have a much lower rate of success than first marriages.

    10% end within 1 year.
    31% end within 5 years.
    46% end within 10 years.

    vvo.com

    Second Marriage Quotes, Quotations & Sayings 2019
    Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
    A bride at her second marriage does not wear a veil.
    My second marriage had a lot to do with alcohol.
    I was looking very much for a career.
    You know, my friends, with what a brave carouse I made a second marriage in my house; favored old barren reason from my bed, and took the daughter of the vine to spouse.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Very difficult for any of us to comment, only those who go through it knows the reason for their decision to divorce. I guess divorce is the last step/ resort which any married couple would opt for, but if they do then one of them has had enough I guess. I also know a family friend who got divorced but got back together after five years. They have remarried but Happy? Figure out for yourself. In my personal opinion, it’s against.
    NIce post though.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh wow that’s so interesting!! In a way you have more experience than most as you’ve witnessed that situation happening and now they’re happily married again. I’m against it also but it must work for some.
      Thankyouu for sharing such an interesting insight!
      Have a lovely day😊

      Liked by 2 people

  14. I’ll say this… your ex is usually you ex for a reason…. and that reason usually isn’t because they treated you so great and made you so happy consistently while with them. However, everybody situation is different.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I couldn’t agree with you more. And people hardly change. So the reason you left them for, or why the relationship didn’t work out, those attributes of that person are 9 times out of 10 still there.
      Thankyouu so much for reading and sharing your insight!
      Have a lovely day😊

      Like

  15. You’re welcome… Yes, the best way to know how a person really feels or value someone is to go off of their consistent actions towards you over their consistent words. Hope you have a great day as well..

    Liked by 1 person

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