Gender roles, what are you for and against? Let’s talk!
So, I recently had a lightbulb moment, a hypothetical question moment (as I usually do). About housewives or househusbands, and would you be okay let’s say from a woman’s point of view, if your husband was a househusband? And since my mother was sitting across from me in this moment, I thought who better to ask! So I asked her ‘Hypothetically, if you found the perfect guy, and he was the one for you, but he envisions himself being a househusband in the future, what would you do?’. And she replies, ‘What, the perfect guy? Oh no, it would be a no for me if he said that’. So I continue with, ‘How come?’, and she follows with ‘that just wouldn’t be for me.’ And I thought hmm, it’s funny how people say equality is becoming more apparent and there aren’t reserved gender roles in the household anymore, but that leaves me thinking, have times changes too much?
I’m quite old fashioned – if you can’t tell from my blog already… And I just would not be okay at all if someone I was going out with, wants to claim that role in the household for himself. I think the bond mother and child have is unmatched and incomparable, and I can’t get my head around if my partner wanted or expected me to go back out to work very soon after having the baby. A baby grows in a female for 9 months. It internally bonds with you like no other as that’s the only thing it knows even before he/she sees your face. This is usually the reason why whenever the baby is in your arms, it’s more at peace than anywhere else, because it already has a connection with you, knows you and even knows the scent of you.
I do think the father holds an important/crucial role in the child’s life and in the household, as the baby will usually have a bond with him also, but the motherly role cannot be replaced and shouldn’t be. The father doesn’t have all the highs and lows, mood swings, side effects, nausea, hormonal changes and many more like the feeling of the baby kicking and moving, the father doesn’t really have first-hand experience of any of that. The most he can do is imagine being in your shoes and feel the baby kicking. I think it’s quite unnatural for the father to take the motherly role, as there are certain things he literally cannot do. Can he breast feed? No. I’m definitely not saying everyone should breastfeed, of course not as some people cannot due to medical reasons and so on. But I think mentally a lot goes into having and raising a child, and the more you try and put it towards the back of your mind, the more you’ll regret in the future all the times you missed out on.
And that’s an issue for both the mother and father but especially the mother, as the baby was inside of her for so long. Babies even feed off of everything the mother eats as it gets broken down into tiny elements and passes across the placenta to your baby. Also, a mother has an intuition like no other, there’s no such thing really as a father’s intuition. A study was recently done to look at the science behind a mother’s intuition…
A recent study published in the medical journal, PLOS One1 , examined the brains of 59 women who had died between the ages of 32 and 101. Nearly two thirds or 37 women in the sample were found to have traces of male DNA with the Y chromosome in various regions of their brains. The Y chromosome could not have come from the women’s fathers because if it had, they would have been born male. The only logical explanation was that the male DNA had come from their sons.
During pregnancy, more than nutrients pass through the placenta between mother and child. Tissue cells and genetic material also seem to make the transfer. Science has known for some time that DNA passed through the placenta between the fetus and mother in mice, but now it seems the same phenomenon, called microchimerism, also happens in humans. Fetal DNA crossing the placenta can find a home in any of the mother’s organs including the skin, liver and spleen. The membrane protecting the brain known as the blood-brain barrier becomes less resistant to cells from the outside because a woman’s immune system is partially suppressed during pregnancy. This happens so that her body does not reject the fetus as a foreign invader. It was also estimated that fetal DNA entering the brain was yet another way for the mother’s body to be able to identify the fetus as friend, not foe. It should be noted that the same effect most likely happens for daughters, as well. The researchers chose to focus on sons because it would have been much too difficult to distinguish a mother’s DNA from her daughter’s because they are both female. In either case, it appears that fetal DNA in the brains of mothers is there for life because the oldest woman in which the male DNA was found was 94.
Because women carry the DNA of their children inside their own bodies, specifically the brain, perhaps this explains a mother’s intuition. Many women can sense when their child is in danger or pick out their child’s cry from within a group of other children. Women have felt the reality of this profound connection since the beginning of humanity, but now it seems we have scientific proof of it.
I know how there are some women out there who don’t naturally have that maternal calling towards their kids, and if they’re content with their husbands taking on more the motherly role that’s perfectly fine. Same goes for women who are extremely career driven and thrive more in the workplace than at home, and that’s entirely fine too! But I do think it’s undoubtably important to speak about these scenarios and topics early on when you’re getting to know someone to save all the pressure and expectations later on in life, if you do have children. And I personally don’t think it’s biologically right for the male to attempt to claim the ‘househusband’ or ‘motherly role’ unless, the female doesn’t want that for herself. And sometimes when women have children, their feelings towards this whole subject can change.
The world we live in now, is all about disconnecting humanity with it’s natural callings or how people actually feel. And instead society pushes us to feel a certain way, bad even about wanting to stay home and taking care of children. We even may feel scared or judged about what we actually want for ourselves. But who does that fulfil and benefit? Us or society?
There’s a crisis in mental health services as so many are in dire need for them, so try and make yourself happy and fulfilled so you may not feel empty and unstable in the future. As happiness is in no one else’s hands but yours.
What do you think? Would you date someone who wants to be a househusband? Or vice versa? Do you have any experience regarding this? Comment below! I want to hear all your thoughts!