You’re laughing, gazing into each other’s eyes, then the bill comes. Romeo turns into the tax man, what next?! Going Dutch? *please send help*
The day’s arrived. This could be Prince Charming, potentially the one, hypothetically the father of your children. Women generally think about these things in the hours and minutes approaching the date. This could be the start of a few dates at least, so first impressions count. Getting glam is a non-negotiable. You’re hoping he’s at least made an effort, to at least shower and throw on a shirt for a romantic dinner for two.
The clock’s counting down the minutes, makeup and hair is done, outfit and heels on, we’re good to go.
You first lock eyes outside the restaurant, then enter the establishment. 99% (in my opinion) of modern day men forget or do not know what being a gentleman is. You simply pull out the chair for the lady, it costs nothing. It shows you’re being mindful, kind and most importantly, an old-fashioned gentleman. If there’s ever a time for it, it’s a candlelit, intimate, romantic dinner.
Going straight to your chair is an automatic nil points for you, but let’s carry on with the story time.
Having shared interests, similar humour and outlook, whilst thinking I could actually work with this. Then you start envisioning potential, before reminding yourself not to get ahead of yourself. Loving the Christmas season as much as I do? I mean you’re outdoing yourself now. Chatting for hours, the time flies by. What is there to not like about you?! Except from the chair debacle, but that didn’t go unnoticed…
You’re enjoying your wine, I’m sipping my still water like I do. Then the all important, infamous bill arrives.
The awkward part in any date, which is usually reassuringly swept away by an ever so smooth gentleman, right?
He places his card on the metal dish, whilst warmly gazing into my eyes and being deep in conversation. Then I say, “Oh I’ll pay half,” the only words women say but don’t actually mean. Yes gentlemen, don’t get used to it…
Now we all know, if you accept the half that’s it case closed. Finito. Take a photo of this face as it’s the last time you’re seeing it honey kinda thing. It’s almost cursed money, you don’t want to accept it if you want to make it out alive or with any pride, correct? A pig flying right over this table would have more of a chance than you, capeesh?
Back to the story, I said once “I’ll pay half”, and without hesitation, he accepts and says “Okay, straight down the middle?” I reply, “Sure.”
You should’ve seen my face switch, I was still attempting to look pleasurable, but I naturally have an animated face which is almost impossible to hide, but boy did I do my best.
The waitress brings the receipt which displays the bill, he looks, then shows me. He asks me, “Half is £63 something isn’t it? I’m not very good at maths” I reply, “Yes it is”. But what I actually wanted to say was, you sure you didn’t take up further maths, because your mental maths is accurate enough today to give Carol Vorderman a run for her money…. Literally.
He carried on the conversation, smiling and having a great time, my tone was now nonchalant and already mentally checked out of this date.
The waitress arrives, she was the highlight of the evening for me. She asks him, “All on one card sir?” He replies, “No two cards, splitting straight down the middle, that should be £63 or so?”.
She replies, “No worries sir, £63 sounds about right.”. Receipts are given, when I tell you I could’ve flown out, Space X would’ve looked slow in comparison. I stood up, in my 4 and a 1/2 inch heels, and when I say my legs are much longer than my torso, Usain Bolt should’ve timed me to see if I had broken his record. I walked so fast when I made it to the door, I realised I hadn’t been hearing footsteps behind me, I look behind, and he’s practically 10 seconds behind… wouldn’t surprise me if he was asking for a copy of the receipt.
We said our goodbyes and that was it, case closed permanently, for me anyway.
I thought, wow he must’ve really disliked me. – I’ve never experienced a guy accepting a first offer of splitting the bill, even if I offer numerous times, nada.
Automatically, it was cemented in my mind that was it.
I slept thinking he wouldn’t have the audacity to think it went well, surely?
Fast forward to the morning after, he messages me saying how amazingly it went, complimenting my looks, personality, everything.
“Same day different time next week?”
Let’s pause and rewind like Craig’s David’s ‘7 Days’, you literally just insulted myself and not only that, my parent and family wouldn’t approve of you either.
The funny thing, is that you didn’t even ask me what cuisine I liked. You chose the restaurant, and said this is where we’re going when you asked me out. Opting for fine dining is entirely your prerogative, but not covering the bill is beyond unmannerly. You asked me out? Hello!
I wouldn’t ask a friend or family member to go out for dinner for their birthday let’s say, then when they offer half, I accept? No, it’s common courtesy. You arrange a date, you cover the date.
A lady offers, a gentleman doesn’t accept.
So I had to be honest, the lack of help with the chair, and the splitting of the bill, left a sour taste in my mouth. I’m very open and honest in terms of, if you’re not a gentleman with manners, this won’t go anywhere.
Then this date happened! After sending my reply, he apologises and didn’t realise he caused offence and offers to make it up to me on the next date.
Too late.
As they say, you start as you mean to go on. If I were to ever marry you, I’d never forget that first date. It stays with you, the lack of attentiveness, awareness and first date etiquette is something you can’t look past.
You’re desensitised to think, a lady respecting herself, wouldn’t accept a second date when there was a lack of respect, common decency and chivalry on the first. If you’re treating me like that now, how will you treat me a few years?
Generally you’re entitled to treat people as you wish. But don’t expect someone else to lower their standards and accept your outlook. It takes two to tango when dating. If you want to make sure a lady you like reminisces with butterflies, treat her like how you’d expect a guy to treat your sister. You’d only want the best for your daughter, right? This is no exception.
This made me wonder, surely this isn’t the norm nowadays? Should it ever be? What happened to old fashioned romance where the guy would bring you flowers? Make you feel special and cherished. Do parents think this is acceptable to teach or encourage your children to do? Or women should just expect it due to equality? If so, why am I wearing heels and you aren’t? Why am I imbalanced in stilettos making an effort, whilst your feet are firmly on the ground pulling out your own chair? Where has the audacity come from go compliment my appearance but equally have no decency or respect to be gracious?
Actions speak louder than words!
What do you think? Would you be able to overlook splitting the bill on a first date? Have you? Do you automatically align that with a lack of interest from your date? Can a date ever go well by splitting the bill? Or are we too old school? Should more guys expect women to pay on a first date? Would you have given your date a second chance? Was I too harsh? Comment below!
And lastly, happy dating!
Beauty File 
I’m with you on this, for sure! My mom was rather strict about this sort of thing, teaching us girls how we should be treated. And I taught my daughter, too.
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It’s the only way! It lasts for generations, as you’ve mentioned in your family, decency costs nothing and such an easy lesson to teach from an early age. It stays with you for life 🤍
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Antonia, one line you wrote covers it: “You arrange a date, you cover the date.” My take is that, even in this age of working toward equality, if a man asks a woman out, he pays. If she offers to share, he should recognize it as a kind gesture and politely decline and change the subject to avoid any awkwardness. Done.
Your story also reminds me of what I see often. My sweety and I live on a busy street in a trendy area where there are always couples parking and walking up to restaurants. I can’t count how many times I’ve seen the guy looking like he’s in the middle of a home demolition project gone wrong, while the woman is all glammed up. He hops out of the car and walks ahead, maybe on his phone, then leaves her to open her own door when leaving! You’re right, many men do not know; they weren’t taught or influenced — or didn’t pay attention, other than to negative examples in the movies and (gah) games they spend much of their time immersed in. Hopefully the next fellow gets it.
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It’s etiquette isn’t it, you’ve asked to take the person out. It’s almost like buying a gift, you wouldn’t buy someone a present, they ask how much it costs then offer you half of what you paid and you then accept? It’s not the done thing, as then it’s seen as rude, tight and disingenuous.
100%, especially as 99% of the time women take longer to get ready then men and they generally make more of an effort.
So I’ve spent my time and now money, for the date that you arranged? I could’ve taken myself out, paid the same price without going through the effort of getting ready for a date!
Oh I’ve seen this often! You barely ever see a guy open the car door for the lady; when water for the table arrives, they pour it for themselves first and sometimes don’t even offer to pour for the lady. Let’s not even get started with the lack of culinary skills, you’re not digging for gold on your plate!
Or answering their phone at the table, what planet are you on? Utopia?!
They compliment your looks, but boy I wish I had something to compliment. Your old shirt, lack of aftershave, trainers whilst I wear heels is difficult to praise.
I don’t know if there’s a shortage of aftershave in the world or if guys nowadays expect women to pay for that too! I should bring mini samples next time, as a parting gift!😂
You see women walking without a jacket on after leaving a restaurant, whilst the man complains about how cold it is in his thermal triple layered coat. They offer the lady their arm though, ever so kind!
Yet they wonder why they’re single, somehow blaming feminism. No love, it’s the curly tail behind you. 🐷
Haha thankyou so much for sharing your enlightening insight as always!😃
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It’s a pleasure, Antonia, though I’m sorry so many of us are louts! 😂
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Hehe sadly it’s just a sign of the times!🤣
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Yeah if you can
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I’ll have to keep an eye next time on the amount of glasses of wine a date orders next time, since I might be footing half the alcohol he consumes bill! Hehe😭
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true dat
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Good Day Everyone! I want to inform you that everything has changed since 1980. I’m saying this because everyone wants to do their own thing. In the United States of America there has been a same sex agenda. Since 2012, Our country is going in a different direction. People have changed their perspective with each other. I am that old fashioned man that you are talking about. I grew up respecting women and children. Therefore if I am on a date with a woman, I always save money prior to the date. Compromise is very important.
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Good day, Anthony!
May you have a Time Machine by any chance? Or TARDIS?
Tell me about it! It’s crazy how much society has changed. You expect a *woof* to come out of a human’s mouth nowadays. They’re a different breed. This generation has gone in the bin, but at the same time, they expect to find a diamond at the bottom of it? The lack of self reflection in 2023 is shocking. Manners, decency and etiquette gets you very far in life.
Don’t ask a lady out if you’re not a gentleman, simple! A lady doesn’t want to go out with an animal! They’re like a bull in a China shop.
Anthony, we may have to clone you a few million/billion times! Gentleman are becoming extinct!😂
Thankyouu ever so much for sharing your thoughts!😃🤗
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LADIES: Don’t give in to the date’s ego or sense of entitlement! When he pays for it all, he’ll WANT SOMETHING. Agree ahead of time how to pay. Even when I did pay, my date put down the tip.
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The only something he’s getting is the bleeding bill!😂😂 I’ll bring a sweetie next time to place on top of his card, that should satisfy his appetite!😂
How should we agree how to pay ahead of time? Trade PayPal accounts? Bring my piggy bank to get the accurate change? Walk me to the ATM?
You’re right though, people should agree ahead of time so I can cross off who to avoid😂.
Thankyouu so much for your insight, Jonathan!😃
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Just relating how WE did it, my wife and I, in our courting. Neither one of us were flush with cash. Ocourse that was…35, 36 years ago!
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Of course, that entirely makes sense! Everyone’s different, the issue is it’s the thought that counts. Whether it’s a picnic etc, if it’s your idea you budget for that.
It’s a perplexing outlook of life opting for a fine dining restaurant of the gentleman’s choice, then accepting on the first offer splitting the bill. Whilst thinking it went so well to ask for a second date.
It’s a defunct outlook of reality in my opinion. We’re not teenagers or students, if you can fill your 5L pride and joy, the facts show that you’re willing to invest in materialism more than a potential partner or wife. Boys with their toys, but I will not be valued less than an inanimate object.
A piece of metal that’ll go for scrap in the future.
That leaves a very sour taste on the journey home late at night😂
In the words of Aladdin, ‘I can show you the world’, the 2023 version would be, ‘if you ping me back half’. Is that excluding VAT?😂
It’s transactional, the spark just dies out.
All dependent on what characteristics / personality traits you’re looking for in a partner of course.
It may not be an issue at all for some!
35/36 years ago?! Incredible! You don’t look a day over 40!👀🙂
You know what they say – ‘happy wife, happy life’! Hehe😊
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And I have to please mine! I fumbled the ball on her birthday, so have another chance Friday. Will her sun dress come in by then?
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Who arranges the date should cover the bill logically
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This is what I thought! I’ll have to read the fine print next time before I pick up the tab. I’ll need to walk with a minuscule calculator. This isn’t a romantic evening, it’s a business meeting!😂
Thankyou so much for sharing your logical insigh, Dr. Roy!😃
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So much to say…but it’s all pretty much been covered in the comments, so I’ll take it another direction…I once was dating a man (high school friend) long distance. After some time he told me he didn’t want me driving up there (he never drove here), he wanted to call the shots – because he had met another girl, but he wanted me to stick around. You know, for when the eventual breakup or whatever came…I told him – it’s either me or her. He chose her (she is closer after all), I told him not to call me anymore and hung up the phone on him. He tried to call me back, several times. I didn’t answer, until I did and told him I’m not willing to wait in standby, hung up and turned my phone off. He tried ever so hard to keep me on the sidelines, but I wouldn’t have it.
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Don’t get me started on long distance relationships! Often women make the most effort to keep the spark alive, and to see each other the most. Whilst the guy is doing whatever he’s doing in his hometown, we’re lucky if he meets us at his local train station!
I remember driving around 3 hours, over 100 miles to arrive home, whilst he just slept at his house. This happened repeatedly. Didn’t affect him if I were to crash or never arrive home.
Whereas women, often can’t sleep until they know you’re home safe etc.
As I always say, actions speak way louder than words. You were right to drop him like it’s hot! He would’ve never known in that moment in time if his side dish would make all the time and effort for him as you’ve done, since she’s a local girl.
It’s easy, no effort needed.
Guys can be superficial, simple creatures. The saying, ‘out of sight, out of mind’ is all too literal for them. Unless you’re in front of them at all times, they can forget your name or find Susie for example who lives across the road just so they can get their fill more often without making a fraction of the effort.
Whilst we’re planning weeks in advance when and how we’re seeing them next.
The right guy will make it known to you that he’s made time and plans for you. He’ll be so afraid to lose you, that he’d show it in actions. Talk’s cheap!
You respected your own values, that’s always the key to happiness. Diluting your self worth for a lousy guy is when resentment starts kicking in.
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If someone asks a person out on a date, the person who asked should cover the date.
As for opening car doors and for pulling out a chair for the lady, that’s the way I was brought up.
I wonder if Mr. Bean split the bill on the cost of the giant carton of popcorn 🍿 that he ate all by himself.
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That’s what I thought!😂 I don’t see the point in someone asking you out, if you could have a much cheaper evening without them😂. You’ve interrupted my schedule, then I’m paying for the privilege? Did you ask me out to look at this face for free? I don’t get it 😂 the time and effort women put into first dates usually exceeds by a mile what a guy puts into it. Then I’m paying for my time and effort of you asking me out to a restaurant of your choice?!
Taking the liberty😂. You think I’d want to see your face a second time and pay for the privilege of that too? Do me a favour.
Opening doors and pulling out the chair is chivalry, shows your character and that you’re already thinking of me, making my life that much easier. And it shows the way you’ve been brought up!
It’s unimaginable that men see you in heels, watching you struggling to pull out a heavy chair. If that’s not disrespectful, unkind and indecent – I don’t know what is!
Haha Mr bean probably counts the popcorn he has😂, and charges her per corn kernel. And the electricity for it to puff up.
The romance is alive and kicking eh!
Glad to see there are still some gentlemen out there!😃 Few, but it still counts!😂
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When a person asks you out on a date, it’s only right they cover the tab 🤦🏽♀️🤷🏾♀️. Why wouldn’t they? I mean who asks someone out and then splits the tab 🤦🏽♀️. That’s horrible 😞. To even ask someone out and expect something after paying is ridiculous, lol! We live in a crazy world. Id never go out with someone again expected me to pay for half of the tab. Like what?
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Praise. The. Lord. 100%. You’ve asked me out of my lovely warm home, where I can cook or order in, for what? To see you using your knife and fork like a digging fork and spade?! I could walk into a pub and see that for a fraction of the price.
You know it’s bad when you have to highlight “this chair is heavy,” and they still don’t get up. They just watch you…
Where and who raised you?
I mean come on. The half of the bill and clarifying how much half was with myself and the waitress was the cherry on top.
You my friend, are exactly what I avoid.
Then you think I want to do this all over again, like deja vu? So help me god, what planet are you on?
In the most diplomatic way possible🙂… I didn’t want to be the one to say it, but I make it clear that my type is a mannerly gentleman. Unless I’m blind, if this is the modern day gent, please leave me to be single forever😂😂.
I can’t handle what people put up with nowadays, it’s very sad that someone’s daughter will go out with an uncouth guy that only cares about himself. It’s so important to see these traits early on, as people put on their best facade at the start. If this is your ‘A’ game, I don’t want to see anymore letters of the alphabet!😂😂
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